Tired of Tiger

Anyone else tired of hearing about Tiger??? BIG DEAL! The man cheated on his wife. Seriously, why does this have to be the type of story that we give so credence to? Tiger Woods is, by far, not the first, nor will he be the last man to cheat on his wife. Hmmm, I wish I could name them all, but my fingers can't type that long for the purpose of this entry! "Quiet girls" have long-since had a reputation for being undercover freaks, or so I've been told. Well, this Tiger scandal simply tells us that "Quiet boys" are deserving of the same reputation.

BIG Expectations

I have some pretty BIG house cleaning projects lined up for myself. And I only have 3 days to accomplish them. Actually 2 1/2 days because the children have a 1/2 day of school on Wednesday. So far I'm not off to a great start having spent the better part of the morning chit-chatting with my mother. No complaints though--it's always nice visiting with her. Now that I'm home, the problem I encountered was trying to do too much at the same time. While multi-tasking is an important skill to hone, it can have great disadvantages if not done properly. I could mess around and spend 2 1/2 days half completing everything, thus defeating the whole point of taking these days off work.

So what I'm going to do is finish up this bath I'm enjoying right now and then get BUSY with my highest priority project--thoroughly cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom.

Here's a First--Thank God it's Monday!

It's very much out of the norm for me to be ready for Sunday to come to an end. Sunday's are usually the best day of the weekend for me because I relax most of the day. Unfortunately, this relaxtion routine entailed slacking up in regular church attendance, but I'm working on rectifying that, especially after the hard-hitting sermon my pastor delivered about the importance of regular church attendance.

Anyway, my weekend got off to a great start! I was hangin' with my honey on Friday--dinner at Southern Fires, a social drink & some dancing at Mitch's, a neighborhood bar, and then on to Motor City Casino. Needless to say, it was a full and fun night. Saturday was cool too. With my kids spending the night at my mom's, I got a chance to sleep in until 9AM (hey, mom's get excited about stuff like that :)) The weather was simply too beautiful NOT to do the leaves outside, so that's what the kids and I spent the afternoon doing. I didn't even care that all my daughter basically did was hold the bag while I did most of the work. I considered it a work out! Saturday night was supposed to be more hanging, but it didn't work out that way, and that was cool. I had absolutely no complaints.

Then Sunday rolls around. I figured my biggest challenge was going to be getting my tail to church (this would make 2 consecutive Sundays). But it wasn't challenging at all. I was up and ready to go. Then my daughter starts hollering my name from the basement while I was getting ready for church--I can't stand when she does that. Eventually I had to go to see what she wanted. The news wasn't good:( The damn dryer wasn't working. The motor was running, but there was no tumble action. I was instantly frustrated because my plan for the afternoon was to assemble my son's new bunkbed, NOT trying to troubleshoot whatever was wrong with the dryer. So when I got home from church, assembling that bed was exactly what I got started doing. To hell with the dryer! I was kind of hoping the problem would somehow resolve itself. Far reaching, I know, but a girl can dream, can't she???

Well, my dream would've been perfect if my daughter would've kept her mouth shut. "What are you gonna do with the dryer ma?" "I've got to dry my clothes, ma." "What am I going to where to school tomorrow, ma?" One question after another question. Sure, her concerns were valid, but GOSH, I couldn't resolve it, even if I tried, in one day WHEN I had another priority! I regret it now, but I lost my cool.

On top of the dryer and mouthy daughter issue, I had to deal with my honey's bad attitude. I really don't get why men agree to do things (help put the bed together), then when it's time, have an attitude about it. I won't stereotype ALL men, but that's how mine was acting and I didn't appreciate it. So, of course, I had to fuss at him too!

Do you understand why, now, I couldn't wait for Sunday to come to an end?

Free Day Fridays...Who's Watching???

This week has been a long one. I don't think I've ever been happier for Friday. Late afternoon I take a much needed fitness break, so I take to the stairs--of course with my iPod on my hip. So I'm jamming on the stairs to some of Whitney houston's newest music, right? A few times stopping to do my own little performance--having a much needed good time! Then I wonder, "Am I being recorded?" Crazy thought, but possible considering the "company" has cameras strategically placed all around the building. Why wouldn't the stairwells be rigged with cameras too? I'm not worried, though. The worst "they" may have seen is me singing on a make-believe microphone, doing some jumping jacks, maybe gasping for air in need of water--nothing to lose my job over, but maybe cause a few chuckles for the people watching :)

Thanksgiving--Where will I be?

Thanksgiving is in less than two weeks and the only thing I'm sure about is that I don't feel like going over anyone's house. It's not that I don't want to be around family, but you have to understand that I am around my family all of the time--literally. Like five days a week and one of the two--if not both days--of the weekend. With the holiday quickly approaching, all I can think about is to enjoying the comfort of my own home for a few days. Of course, this will drive my children completely insane! So how can I make this a win-win for all involved, I asked myself?

1. Have Thanksgiving dinner at my home and go visit my family for a couple of hours.

2. Have Thanksgiving dinner at my home and invite my family to my house.

3. Have Thanksgiving dinner at my home, drop my children off to my family's house for a few hours while I go back home.

4. Have Thanksgiving dinner at my home and don't worry about the kids wanting to go over to our family's house.

The four options all have their fair share of advantages and disadvantages. The disadvantages of any of the suggestions that require me to leave my home for any amount of time pretty much defeat the purpose of my wanting to relax on Thanksgiving day. It's not like this one day away from my family is going to be detrimental to my chidlren's lives. For some reason, they're bored at home, but, hey--mom deserves some R & R, right???

Over the last few days I've been leaning towards option #3--inviting my family to my house. Ideally this would be awesome IF my house was a bigger. As it stands, I feel like it would be a tight squeeze inviting my mom, dad, sister,brother, brother-n-law, and approximately 5 extra children over for dinner. And forget about a formal dining table--it would be a pretty casual thing at my house. Inviting family over will also involve me having to SPEND extra money to prepare more food, even though I'm sure my mom will bring a couple of dishes to help out. But this move will also involve some MAJOR housecleaning on my part and I hadn't anticipated that, but it's not like it doesn't need to be done.

God, if only I was in a bigger house! Nevertheless, isn't that what Thanksgiving is all about--being greatful for what you have--little house, big house, no car, clunker car, etc.

If I invite my family to my house for Thanksgiving, it will be a first! Perhaps its long overdue. However, I'm undecided. I'm not used to cooking for more than myself and my children, with the exception of desert, but never an entire meal. Maybe it'll be fun! I guess I better broach the idea to my mom to see if she had anything planned. Either way, I know I'll be spending most of the holiday at home and the kids just better be "thankful."

Til Later...L.A. Jefferson

It's All about Nate

Between my daughter and my activities during the week and on weekends, many times my son, Nate gets left out. It's a good thing he's only 5 and that's entertaining in itself, however, this weekend it will be all about him! We began with Saturday morning skating lessons. for the last few weeks he's been talking about going skating. Of course I know he wants to play the video games, but I figure the lessons will encourage him to actually want to skate, too. After the lessons were done he said his feet hurt but he wasn't ready to go so I take that as a good sign that he liked it :) Today is Sunday so were going to church, but after that it's more fun for Nate. Ice and cake for his cousins b-day, them
on to see Astro Boy!

Doesn't all of this make you wish to be a kid again!

Til Later...L.A. Jefferson

My Teenager Makes Me Laugh

Sometimes I have to laugh to keep from crying. My 14yr old daughter is quite a character. It's report card time and her grades are not where they should be. They're not awful--not even close--but they could be A LOT better. As her mom, it's my responsibility to curb her behavior and/or activities with some type of punishment, right? Of course, I'm right. My daughter, however, is under the impression that since they are HER grades and it's HER future that's going to be effected by how well she does in school that I shouldn't bother putting her on ANY kind of punishment. "I've got it under control", she says.

What's funny is how dead serious she is! She was in tears when we had this discussion a couple of months ago when I was implementing phone times for her during the week. "As long as I get my homework done, I don't see why it should matter to you when I get it done."

I swear these are her exact words! She has the nerve to use my own words against me. I've always told her that her getting a good education is for her benefit, not mine, "So don't go asking me to reward you monetarily for good grades," I would say. In my mind, that DOES NOT translate into "I don't care what you do because it's your future and not mine." Every now and then I have to make it plain to her that I am the mother and that I run the show!

Anyway, it's report card day and I already sense that it's going to be one of those moments. Her grades are not where they should be. She was so excited about being in high school, I think she jumped too quickly into extracurricular activities, even though that's recommended by the school. So I'm thinking the best thing to do is to pull her from some of those activities (she joined like 3 clubs, maybe just allow her to participate in one until the grades get where they need to be. While you and I know that's not a bad punishment--if you can even call it that--but she's going to have a fit!

Til Later..L.A. Jefferson

Detroit Election--The Final Results

It's finally over and the numbers are in:

21% Voter Turnout--WTF???

Mayor: Dave Bing :(

City Council: Charles Pugh, Gary Brown, Saunteel Jenkins, Andre Spivey, James Tate, Ken Cockrel, Joann Watson, Brenda Jones, Kwame Kenyatta

City Clerk: Janice Winfrey

Charter Commission: Freeman Hendrix, Teola Hunter, Ken Coleman, Jenice Ford, Reg Davis, Rose Robinson, Ken Harris, John Johnson, Cara Blount

School Board: Lamar Lemmons, Ida Short, Rev. David Murray, Carol Banks

Proposal D: Yes

Proposal S: Yes

I'm more satisfied than not with these results. Our council definitely needed the shake up that it got. The charter definitely needs to address how city council president is elected--it shouldn't be by poplular vote, though I'm happy for Charles Pugh. I'm curious to see how Ken Cockrel will conduct himself on council now that he's been knocked off his high horse. As far as Dave Bing goes, I think we're going to get more of the same. Hopefully, more time in office will make him more of a people person than he currently presents himself as.

VOTE DETROIT!!!

It's finally election day in the city of Detroit and other localities around the country. I'm excited about it and can't wait to hear the results late tonight. It is my desire that everyone who is registered to vote will get off of their butts and exercise their right. Let's do the damn thing Detroit! Let's make a difference.

Til later..Author L.A. Jefferson

A Surprising Payout

No one could have been more surprised than me when my name was pulled for the grand prize of a 26in flat screen DVD/Combo television. I was attending a talent show for which the proceeds benefit an annual Christmas party for Detroit's homeless children. It's an annual event presented by the AT&T Pioneers and the QSA Foundation, two organizations in which I volunteer for regularly. This is the fourth year of the talent show and the 2nd show that I attended. What's ironic is that I very close to not attending the show. I always support it financially, but this year I was on a committee and my friend's daughter was a contestant so there I was. And, boy oh boy, was I glad I was there or the t.v. would've been given to someplace else!

So, you see, it pays to support events that benefit the community at large. You never know how you'll be rewarded :))

Til Next Time...Author L.A. Jefferson

The Charles Pugh Controversy

Every morning I tune into Inside Detroit to get my daily dose of what's going on in and around the city of Detroit. It's informative, oftentimes entertaining, and surely full of controversy. As the city of Detroit is in the last days of it's most recent general election for the offices of mayor, city council, and the city charter commission, the fire is definitely getting hot! Most recently one of the leading city council candidates, Charles Pugh has been outted as one of the thousands of Detroit's irresponsible homeowners facing foreclosure. The controversy is whether this personal travesty should or will effect his lead position in the race.

I'm on the nay side of that coin. This is not just because I'm a supporter of Mr. Pugh, but more so because I don't believe the way in which a person handles their personal finances is necessarily indicative of how they will handle financial responsibilities pertaining to their job. It's hard for me to believe that those who have allowed this recently released story to retrack their support of Mr. Pugh REALLY believe that everyone who works in a financial area, whether it be public or private, are handling their work financial responsibilities the same as their personal financial responsibilities. That is absolutely absurd!

It's unfortunate how people take advantage of these kinds of stories to cast judgement on others. I was in awe of the judgemental comments that I heard from people on the radio. The gist of their comments went along the lines of:

1) Since he's running for public office, his personal finances are the business of the people and the people have a right to judge how he will handle the city's financial concerns.

2) If Mr. Pugh receives late notices, threats of eviction, that is indicative of his lack of integrity and responsibility.

Give me a break people! Whether or not Charles Pugh pays his mortgage of any other bills in a timely manner has nothing to do with how effective he will be as a council member. Now, if he was delinquent in city taxes (income or property) that would be a different matter entirely because that has a direct impact on this city.

It is beyond me why people are acting like facing foreclosure is the end of the world. First and foremost, anyone can face this situation AND some even place themselves in that situation as a strategic move against the mortgage company. Why are people acting like they don't know this! I know people personally who have let their homes fall into foreclosure so they could purchase more affordable homes OR so they could force the mortgage company's hand into modifying their loans.

This is not rocket science. Some candidate who is NOT a frontrunner for the #1 or #2 position on city council put that story out there to try to bring Charles Pugh down. I guess we'll see on November 3rd if it worked.

Stay tuned!

Til Later...Author L.A. Jefferson

Was the 3lbs Worth It???

I knew it was a bad idea from the start, but I just couldn't help myself. If nothing else, I needed to face the consequences of my actions. My birthday was this previous weekend and I celebrated with plenty of good eats: fried shrimp & crab legs, mashed potatoes, salad, cake, cake, and more cake, AND cookies, cookies, and more cookies. Yes, I went overboard and the scale confirmed it. Thank God it wasn't a horrific increase, but an increase nonetheless. This morning I'm faced with the question of "was it worth it?"

Yes and no. One thing I learned over my years of bodyshaping is that you can't beat yourself up too long for over-indulging in whatever your weaknesses are. My weakness has always been sweets. To my credit, I don't eat them anywhere like I used to eat them! The fact that it was my birthday and I was getting some much needed relaxation from the usual ripping and running that I normally do on weekends is an exception that I'll gladly accept. Now the "no" part of the answer stems from the acknowledgment that the way I treat myself on special occasions has to change. Just because I'm relaxing doesn't mean I have to relax AND eat nearly a package of chocolate chip cookies. Instead, I could've spent that Saturday afternoon sipping on a warm cup of coffee--far less calories and fat.

Anyway, it's just about a full week since my birthday and I'm back on track. I'm working on not eating after 7pm, keeping the sweets to a minimum, and moving more (especially those abs).

Til Later...L.A.

A Coworker with a Bad Attitude

Yesterday I was so fired up about the blatant rudeness of one of my coworkers. What kind of person can't--let me say WON'T--even open their mouth to say "Good Morning" to a fellow coworker. Not because there's been a problem between the two of you, but just because she doesn't feel like she has to. I don't feel like I HAVE to speak to people at work. It's just COMMON COURTESY and ANYONE with any kind of DECENCY would do so. UNLESS, of course, you have some SERIOUS mental issues. That's exactly what I think is wrong with this particular young lady. I won't take her lack of manners personally as I am, by far, not the only person in the office she treats this way. For some ungodly reason she seems to believe that she is superior to most of the people around her. Since I am person who tries to figure out and understand things, I've got to let go of trying to figure her out and instead pray for her because God is the only who can help her. I know one thing is for sure, she does not DESERVE any more of my emotional time, so from this dday forward she doesn't exist to me, EXCEPT on my prayer list.

Some Things Never Change

For the first time since my 1yr lock anniversary, I found myself utterly aggravated with my locks over the past weekend. Honestly, I even considered getting rid of them. I was pretty shocked about this, but I really shouldn't have been. Why would I think that just because I have transitioned into locks that I would be at peace with my hair? It's not like I was at peace before locks. Prior to locks, my hair and I would more often than not be on the outs. Every now and then I come across a picture of times when my hair looked very nice. But I know that is just hindsight because the truth of the matter is this: before locks I was always trying to get my hair to be the way that I wanted it to be. In most cases, it wasn't long enough, wouldn't curl right, wouldn't hang right, unless of course, it was freshly done. And how long would that last--two to three days, maybe. When I would get bored with it, I'd go with ponytail extensions, braids, color, maybe a cut. Around and around this cycle would go.

Then came the lock transition. Boy, that was the toughest time in my hair history! However, once my hair fought itself into actual locks, I guess I was just glad to be done with that in-between stage. Now I have some length to play around with, added some color to jazz things up and bit. Things were going really well, or so I thought. Then came this past week.

First, my scalp was itching like crazy. Unsightly flakes were popping up everywhere. I was majorly aggravated. Sure, I knew that once I washed it and oiled my scalp, the problem would cease to exist, at least temporarily, but still I was irritated with the "in the meantime" period. Anyway, I wash my hair, but didn't feel like retighening it and knew it wasn't likely that my loctitian could fit me in on short notice, nor did I feel like going over there anyway. I know, I didn't give myself a lot of room for contentment. It was just that kind of weekend, but nothing I hadn't experienced in my pre-lock days. However, there is one major difference.

You can't decide out of the blue that you don't want locks anymore because you're having a bad hair day. Just like one has to seriously consider growing locks, one has to seriously consider removing them because once they're gone, they're gone. Here are some things that I thought about over the last couple of days:

1. I'm only 18 months into my locks. There's so many styling options just waiting for me as they grow longer.

2. What would I do if I removed them??? Go back to straightening my hair (i.e. hair breakage, damage, etc), sitting in the African shopping for hours as they dispationately yank on my hair putting in zillions, and even worse, having to style my hair every morning. Ohmigod!!! I can actually stop right there, but there's more.

3. When I attend the African World festival next summer in Detroit, Michigan, I would be so angry with envy looking at all of the beautiful locked pride if mine were all gone.

4. What would I be going back to? Oh, I already mentioned that, didn't I? LOL! But that's a serious one.

Today, I'm feeling good about my locks. That's not to say that I'll always have locks or that I'll never go back to the straightening days. This weekend I was reminded that while my hair has changed, I have not. I'm the same as I have always been, locks or not. I gte tired of the same ole same ole. I love change. I thrive off of reinventing myself. After years of living in the box of other people's expectations, it's refreshing and invigorating to just be going with the flow!

Til Later...L.A.

Making the Most of this Time

I have these moments more often than I admit and certainly more often than I take advantage of. I'm speaking of times alone in my house without my children. Unfortunately, the times are not that long, but even still it is of the upmost importance that I take advantage of it.

Usually when I have these times I run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I'm running here, running there--sometimes going to the gym, or grocery shopping. If I stay home, I'm attempting to clean up or cook or anything related to the house. Sometimes if I have a good book around, I'll get some reading done.

Now, there's nothing wrong with any of the things listed below IF I didn't have something of an urgent nature to do. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm talking about writing. I'm always complaining that as a fulltime, working single mother of two, the one thing I don't have enough time for is writing. So, today, at this moment, while I could be working out, catching up on laundry, cleaning my kitchen, or retrieving my fall wardrobe from storage in the basement, I'm going to put my money where my mouth is, if that makes sense. As soon as I finish this blog entry, I'm pulling out my pad & paper and getting some writing done on my current writing project: Reconcilliation to Hell.

Wish me luck! Hopefully, if I don't get distracted, I'll make some progress that I can be proud of.

Til Later...L.A.

P.S. Please forgive me for not proofreading this entry, but I gotta get busy :)

Heavy Heart

It's interesting how God can use anything to bring HIS children into thankfulness. Lately, I've noticed that I become quite discontented whenever I'm in my house for long periods of time. There's no mystery why this is: I need a bigger house! The fact that I'm already a homeowner in this down spiraling Michigan economy is the biggest obstacle I face when trying to make this happen when I want it to. Anyway, I was down in the dumps about my situation the entire weekend. All I could think about was how much I want my children and I in a bigger place and a better neighborhood. Then, here comes Monday morning on the drive to work. I'm listening to talk radio as I usually do, right? Well, this morning the talk was about all these thousands of people standing in line in hopes of receiving an application to apply for aid for mortgage and utility payment help. My heart instantly hurt for all of these Michiganders who have lost their jobs or experienced a cut in wages, or people who earn low wages. My heart hurt for the challenges they are facing. BUT, at the same time it was an instant reminder of how BLESSED I am. Sure, I want a bigger house. HOWEVER, I am still gainfully employed, have the luxury of all of my utilities, and am not struggling to provide for my family.

Gratefulness was not the only emotion I experienced on this morning. I also felt charged to help out those in need. It wasn't long ago that I used to desire to work in the nonprofit sector, doing work that was really helping people, not just making shareholders richer. I already spend time volunteering with my community by supporting certain causes and making donations to charitable organizations, but I feel charged to do more. I want to have an impact on the community in need. I'm not sure if I want to create an agency of my own or just get involved with an existing one. What I do know is that I want to look past my own circumstances and help others in need.

If God is blessing you, you can too! I'll see you in the community.

Til later, L.A.

Do You Watch Mad Men

Two wrongs don't make a right, right? Can it depend on the circumstances??? Okay, I know that doesn't matter. But, as I sat watching one of my favorite Sunday night dramas, Mad Men, I found myself rooting for the wife of one of the main characters to cheat on her husband. Sounds terrible, right? Let me explain. This show takes place in the 1960's and is all about the lives of these ad executives. One of the main characters, Don Draper, is a habitual cheater. It doesn't matter that his wife is a former model, great mom, attentive wife, etc. He just can't seem to keep IT in his pants! Matter of fact his last affair occurred shortly AFTER his wife found out about the one before that.

Since last season, the writers have had this wife having attractions towards other guys. Last night, she even kissed someone! I was like, "Yes!" Maybe after she gets a little something on the side she'll regain the confidence often lost when your spouse cheats. She just can't let her husband find out or else she may cease to exist--you know men can't take what they dish out.

I can't wait to see what's going to happen.

Kids...What are you gonna do with them?

There comes a point in every mom's "mommy" experience where enough is ENOUGH! I have two lovely children: 14yr old daughter & 5yr old son. I love to them to LIFE, but they know they can work my nerves!!! Let's start with the teenager. She is very lucky that my overprotective mother deprived me of a lot of socializing opportunities during my teen years. It wasn't very often that I was hanging with my friends outside of school, and I won't even touch on the school activities I didn't participate in--that's an entirely different blog altogther! Anyway, since it's important to me that she enjoys the fullness of her youth, I'm extra lenient allowing her to invite friends over, meet friends at the mall or movies, etc. Not only do I allow her the activities, many times I'm shuttling her and her friends to where they are trying to go. So, please tell me why do I get these crazy facial expressions and loud sighs when I ask her to clean out my car or clean up the kitchen (the kitchen is her regular responsibility, which she half cleans most of the time). Believe me, this is rhetorical question. She's a teenager and they don't appreciate ANYTHING!!! I came to the conclusion a few weeks ago that I need to change up how I was dealing with little missy. After the 1st wknd of September I set a repeating reminder in my iPhone that there would be NO ACTIVITIES for the teen for the rest of the month. It was funny, too. She'd asked to do something and when I said no, she was like, "Why?" My reply??? Old faitful, "Because I said so." LOL!

Next for the 5yr old. My little boy is just the cutest thing! Really!!! With those bigh brown eyes of his, he has been getting away with some STUFF! He has broken things and not been seriously reprimanded. I've noticed him becoming a little sneakier and manipulative. Yes, I know these things are all apart of him growing up and learning what he can and can't do, but mommy has had to start getting with little man! This year, with my daughter on an early schedule for school, he has to wake up earlier than he did last school year. Therefore, I've established a set schedule for him that I'm still working on adhering to. I've been hitting the mark more often than not, which is a good thing. Bath time is at 7pm, last call for t.v. is 7:30 to 8:00, then lights out.

Back to the behavior. A few weeks ago, I noticed a necklace I bought at Christmas was broken. He admitted that he did it "by mistake". Not long before that, he broke a curtain rod "by mistake". Then, last week he damaged a special umbrella that I had just bought. That same week, he put a tear in my car interior. The final straw was when he cut a hole in his school pants the other day. I was so ticked off! No way was I accepting that he did it "by mistake". Yes, he got the spanking for that one and the curtain rod, as a matter of fact. I warned him that there would be more spankings to come if anything else came up broken or damaged. The real downer of this issue with my son was that I was looking forward to showing him a good time this coming weekend. We were going to go to an arcade on Friday, bowling or skating on Saturday. Boy, he was going to have a ball! He messed that all up. Now it looks I'll just be shopping for my daughter's homecoming dance dress and some winter clothes for all of us :( Quiet is as kept, I would've preferred the arcade and bowling :)

Til next time...

L.A.

Weekend Recap

I know everything happens for a reason and because I'm a child of God, I also know that everything that happens is meant for my good. Well, none of that made me feel immediately better about how out of control my weekend became! It's not that it was soooo bad, but it just didn't go my way. First, my body finally surrendered to my 5yr old son coughing in my face throughout the week. I woke up with the scratchy throat syndrome. Then, since my son had had the cough for over a week, I decided to take him to the doctor. Plus, he needed a haircut AND I had plans to drop my daughter off at the mall with her friend. Then some family stuff surfaced on Sunday, which is REALLY the day I like to chill! Therefore, the weekend that I had planned to relax and recover from the tiresome previous weekend was everything but.

HOWEVER, in the end everything was in divine order. The things that interrupted MY plans of the upmost importance: my nephew's 1st b-day party and a family dinner in celebration of my visiting great-aunt from Memphis, TN. As much as I complained about the infrigement of my intended R&R weekend, I was glad to have had the time with my family.

God-willing, there will be other weekends to sit back and relax or maybe do some major house cleaning that my house is in serious need of.

Til next time...

L.A.

Making the Best Of It

Anyone besides me have one or two people (grown-ups) in your family who have this retarded mindset that they don't have to have a job like every other adult??? Well, depending on how grown they are, you almost can't get mad at them because SOMEBODY has allowed them to think they can get away with living off of others, but that subject is another blog entry altogether. My purpose is to suggest how to make use of these family members so they do something purposeful with their lives.

PUT THEM TO WORK!!!

If you can't make them get a REAL job, make them useful for the family members who do work. For example, my loved one (and I do love him dearly) is really good with being available for the children. NO, HE'S NOT A PEDAFILE. He's extrememly helpful getting my son to school in the mornings while I get my oldest to school and myself to work. He even came through for me when my son was going to a school farther away from his house when his car was working.

During the summer months, I don't have to spend my weekends or time after work cleaning my yard because he can do it while I'm at work. When I need painting done in my house or minor repairs, if he can, he'll take care of it. Not only does that save me time, but it saves me money.

In our case, I've long given up on trying to figure out why this person has chosen this life. It's really not my place to do so. If they're happy, why shouldn't I be? Everyone has a place in this life. Right now, mine is working my current day job, writing in my free time, and raising my children. This other person, because of their chosen lifestyle, is in a position to help me as well as others in the family, so it's a win-win situation for our family.

Precious Moments

Yay! The kids are back to school and we all couldn't be happier. Like the wonderful mom that I am, I took some personal time off work just so I could see both of my children off to their first day. This entailed driving my daughter downtown to the nationally acclaimed Cass Technical High School, then back to the nortwest side of the city to where my son is attending the elementary school named after Detroit's longest term holding mayor, the late Coleman A. Young. Then, I was back downtown to start my workday. But who's complaining? Definitely not me. It's moments like these, for some reason, when I really get a adrenaline rush about being mom. God has BLESSED me so much to be able to be there for my children in ways many mom's can't. I'm very thankful for having a job where I have the flexibility to be present for important occasions like the first day of school, award ceremonies, field trips, etc. Kids feel special when their parents are there for them. Even though they may sometimes act like the material provisions their parents provide are supreme, but they value our presence just as much. A parents prescence is priceless for all interested parties.

Doing It Myself

Today is a perfect example of why I became a do-it-yourself girl a few years ago. My daughter went to the hairdresser this morning. She knew exactly how she wanted her hair to be styled. I told the hairdresser part of what she wanted and my daughter explained in greater detail after I left. Well, something went awry because when I picked my daughter up she was very dissatisfied. She liked the layers that her hairdresser cut, but the bangs and the back of her hair were cut too short. I didn't think it looked too bad. Trying to console her, I explained that she could simply pull the bangs back with a clip and just rock the layers until the bangs grew out to where she wanted them. I also used the moment to reiterate to her why I resigned to becoming my own hairstylists, amongst other things.

I would lose count trying to remember how many times I went to a hairdresser with a desired look in mind and leaving with something completely different. Honestly, I don't believe it's because these hairdressers didn't know what their doing, but rather they could create their version of what I wanted. The point is I was disappointed and I got tired of paying money not to get what I wanted.

Last year when I began locking my hair, I continued to be a do-it-yourself girl. I couldn't be happier. Not only do I get the satisfaction of accomplishing something on my own, I also save more money than I used to be able to getting my hair done bi-weekly at $35-$55 a pop. If you ask me, it can't get any better than that.

Shopping Follow-Up

I've had an epiphany! Yesterday, I realized I am the reason that I can't handle long shopping sessions with my daughter. You see, I begin with her needs in mind. However, the longer we stay in a particular store my eyes start wandering to my interests. And, once that starts, it's a done deal. It's like the sky becomes the limit and I start picking up pieces to add to my wardrobe. Before it's all said and done, in many cases, I've doubled what I would've spent had I just shopped for her!

The good thing is that I don't regret a thing. I can afford to treat myself that way because I don't embark on that many shopping trips. Even when I do, I am disciplined enough to not go overboard. For example, we were at Marshals yesterday. While my daughter was looking for school attire, I was browsing the assortment of cute tops and career separates. I found a sharp, brown Anne Klein pants suit and about 3 tops to match up with things I already have. The suit was soooo cute. But I'm trying to come away from buying so much beige, brown, and black in my wardrobe, so I was on the fence about buying it. Then I came across a nice, brown blazer. It appeared to be the same shade of brown as a pair of pants I already have and it was half the cost of the brown suit.

I put the suit back on the rack and walked away with the jacket and the three cute tops, one of which I just had to wear today. Oh yeah, my daughter got a few things, too.

We both left happy! Now that's what I call a successful shopping trip!

Shopping Woes

I love my daughter. I really, really do. But oh...my...God, I can't wait until I don't have to take her shopping anymore. Whenever we go, more often than not, both of us want to do nothing less than strangle the other. Is this just a me and my daughter thing or just a mother-daughter thing? Either way, I don't feel good about it.

The biggest part of the problem is my daughter and I are like night and day. Where she can spend hours upon hours in the mall, traipsing from one store to the other and back again, I can only withstand, maybe, one or two stores. The other problem is that I avoid spending large sums of money at one time.

My daughter would love for me to be like her paternal grandmother and one of her friend's mother's, who prefer to spend an entire day shopping for EVERYTHING needed for a particular reason (spring/summer, school clothes/supplies, fall/winter). For me, that's too much money to spend at one time. I like to have something in reserve for unplanned events rather than spending a large portion of my check on clothes. The way I see it, the clothes aren't going anywhere, so why do I need to buy them all at once. And, in this economy, the stores are always having sales.

Just like my daughter would love for me to be like someone else, I'd love the same of her. I wish she was more like I was when I was her age. I didn't give my mother anywhere close to the lip that she gives me when things aren't going her way. You know, I grew up in that "you don't have an opinion" era. When we went shopping, it was never because I bugged to her no end about it. We went when she said we went, and I was totally okay with that. Well, my daughter, is entirely too opinionated and vocal to be like that.

Since neither of us can change the other, what do we do? I'm sure she has no considerations of being a quiet, agreeable young lady, so I guess that leaves the changing up to me.

Believe me, I'm always thinking of how I can make these experiences more enjoyable for both of us. I've found that I do well when I'm prepared for shopping, mentally & financially. If I can be consistently firm on the issue, not taking her out when I really don't feel like it, I know things will be fine. Now, she may be unhappy when she can't go when she wants to, but she'll definitely benefit from shopping with a mother who's not frustrated and angry because she's doing something against her will.

In all of this, there is a light at the end of tunnel. My daughter is 14 years old--working age! If all goes according to plan, we've already got her summer job lined up. She'll have her own money and be able to spend it, somewhat, as she pleases. Yes! Yes! Yes! Honestly, I don't know which one of us is happier about that.

Chilling Out

Today when I got off work, I headed to my mom's to pick up my children. They'd spent the night over there. Well, I've been working early hours this week, and each day after work, there's been something to "do".

Not today, I declared to myself on the drive to mom's. Chilling out and relaxing is the name of my game for this evening. I'm even giving the kids a day off--actually, giving myself a break from barking out orders all evening long :) Kids would never believe it, but fussing can be overwhelmingly frustrating.

How can I not stop and enjoy the beauty of this summer evening? The humidity of the last few days is gone. Right now, I've got a nice, cool breeze coming through my windows. I'm posted up on the couch with my laptop, my iPhone, and a nice tall glass of water, preparing to watch one of my favorite programs. This is what summer is all about!

Saturday was the last day I went to the gym for a rigorous workout. Although, we're at the end of the week, I'm not pressing myself to hit the gym today or the workout on the RiverWalk, either. Nope. I'm chilling. If anything, I may take a nice walk after dinner, further enjoying the summer breeze. Then again, maybe I'll just continue relaxing on the couch.

I figure, since I can't take a vacation at a moments notice like I'd like, I at least owe myself a vacation from the, oftentimes, self-inflicted daily stresses of ripping and running after work.

Thank you Jesus!

WorkOut on the Riverwalk

Radio station, WGPR 107.5, has been hosting a weekly FREE health initiative, RiverWalk Workout, on Thursdays at 6PM. It's been going on since early June, I believe, but this past Thursday, was my first time participating.

Things started out cool. Donna McFay, radio personality, began with a brief warm up, followed with some stretches. Next, there was an option of a low impact cardio workout with her or a more advanced workout with professional trainer, Glenn Lot Jr.

I've had a personal training session with Glenn once before. I knew his workout wouldn't be a walk in the park, so when he lined those of us up who chose the more advanced workout, I prepared myself for the intensity to come. At least I thought, I'd prepared myself, but I had NO IDEA what was about to come.

Glenn said, "We're going to start with a light jog. Everybody line up. The goal is to keep up with the person in front of you," he said. "It's not a competition. Just do your best." Before we got started, someone asked how far we were going. "Aww, we ain't going nowhere." That was his first lie!

The light jogging was going okay, until we kept going, and going, and going. Eventually, I asked one of my fellows joggers, "How far are we going?

"To Cobo Hall," was one of the replies. Cobo Hall! I didn't know the exact distance, but I knew it was further than I could jog. I began losing my breath. I had to stop. I needed to walk. But it bothered me as I watched the others continue. However, I understand my body well enough to know when I need a break. So, I walked awhile before I got the courage to begin jogging again. When I finally reached the rest of the group, they were running up & down the stairs of Joe Louis Arena.

"Ohmigod," I said aloud. "That's alot of steps." Nonetheless, I was up for the challenge. Afterall, I was no stranger to stairclimbing. Just about every day, at work, I walk up & down 5 sets of stairs.

Hmph! There was no comparison. It was tough. I didn't make it all the way across, but I did the best I could. After the stairs, Glenn, directed the group in series of exercises, including hopping up the stairs, lunges, then jumping lunges, squats, then jumping squats. He had us do some other stuff, too. Unfortunately, by the time he was ready to move to perform some upper body work, I was DONE! I couldn't do anything more. I had pushed myself to MY max. That, I'm confident in, no matter how, intimidatingly, Glenn glared at me. I understand his role as a personal trainer to push the trainee. However, I, as the individual, must adhere to the signs of my body, and know when I need to slow down. I wasn't there to pass out from overexhertion.

At the end of the workout, I didn't want to look at Mr. Glenn Lot Jr. His attractiveness and bulging muscles were not enough to make me think pleasantly of him, at that time. Yes, I was that heated! I'd never exercised like that in my life. For real ! I was so burnt out, I didn't even think I was going to make it back to the group's starting point, let alone, be able to drive home. Trying to walk back to the group's starting point, I had to sit down, twice, to catch my breath and get my bearings.

By the time I made it home, I began to feel better. In fact, I was feeling quite accomplished. Although, I was unable to do EVERYTHING that Glenn instructed, I did put my best foot forward. I'd say I completed 85% of the workout. That's not bad for a first timer. Right?

I have some pretty high fitness goals. And it's gonna take intense workouts, such as the one I had on the RiverWalk with Glenn, to reach them. So, while the workouts are grueling, they're a necessary evil. And, once or twice a week of that kind of intensity is just what I need. Therefore, after all my groveling and complaining, Mr. Glenn Lot Jr will see my face on next Thursday.

We only have a few more weeks of summer. Come on down for the challenge.

Post-Election Day

Voter turnout in the city of Detroit was low yesterday, but did we really expect more? My motto is, "Don't sweat the small stuff." We can't afford to worry too much about other people's actions, or lack thereof. I'm a faithful voter, have been for most my voting elegible years. As such, I made my voice heard yesterday evening.

And the results are:

Mayoral Candidates: Dave Bing, Tom Barrow

I'll be honest. I had no clue who Mr. Tom Barrow was until I googled him this afternoon. I, like the majority of the voters in the city, was far more interested in the city council candidates. Since Dave Bing just got into office, like last week, we might as well see what he's got to offer. No need in changing administration so soon.


City Council Candidates: Charles Pugh (Yay!), Ken Cockrel Jr. (Boo!), Gary Brown, Brenda Jones, Saunteel Jenkins, Kwame Kenyatta, Joanne Watson, Jai-Lee Dearing, Alberta Tinsley-Talibi, Andre Spivey, James Tate, Lisa Howze, Shelley Foy, Fred Elliot Hall, Raphael Johnson (huh?), Mohamed Okdie, David Cross, John Bennett (:)).

Whew! That was a lot of typing.

I think this was the first time in Detroit's political history, that the primary focus of the election was on the council, rather than the mayor's office. Regarding the race for city council, I couldn't be more happy about Charles Pugh's place in the race. Well, not 100%. As much as I support Mr. Pugh as a candidate, I don't believe a new councilperson should jump in as president of the body, hence, the need for the city's charter to be revised. Another thing, I have a problem with people referring to Charles Pugh as a celebrity and insinuating that he's running for office, solely, based on name recognition. Mr. Pugh can't help it if his name is a household name in the city of Detroit because of news reporting and his time on the radio station, WJLB. I think Charles has evidenced his commitment to the city in several ways. The fact that he'd leave his lucrative career to serve the city speaks volumes to his character and his purpose. He's a true Detroiter and he will be an asset to the city council. AND, PLEASE, I HOPE PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE MAN'S SEXUALITY! THAT IS SO OLD NEWS!

Most surprising to me about the council race was convicted murderer, Raphael Johnson, making it on the November ballot. I didn't think it would happen. The subject of whether a convicted felon should be allowed to hold public office was such a hot and touchy topic since the news of his conviction became public knowledge. Personally, I was on the fence on the issue. It pains me to think of all the young people, especially young black men, who traveled the wrong path in their youths, which led to criminal convictions, and the difficulty that they have obtaining gainful employment, in order to leave the criminal life behind. It's pretty hypocritical of us, as a people, to call our punitive system, a place for rehabilitation, then say those convicted are not welcome to ALL parts of society once they have paid their debts to society. Who are we to judge? I mean, really, the actions, whether criminal or not, most of us took at the age of 17 or 18, aren't the same ones we would take 10 or 20 years later, right? So why should we view Raphael Johnson any differently?


City Charter Commission: Freeman Hendrix, Rose Mary Robinson; Teola Hunter; Ken Coleman; Jenice Mitchell Ford; John Johnson; Jeffery Robinson; Reggie Reg Davis; Cara Blount; Jonathan Kinloch; Ken Harris; John Eddings; Tonya Myers-Phillips; Patty Fedewa; Sarah Lile; Warren Crockett; Olumba-John Olumba and Elena Herrada

On the subject of the charter commission, I wish I was more informed on all of the candidates. Seeing that I wasn't, responsibly, I only voted for who I knew I wanted on that commission--Freeman Hendrix :) All I know is that our charter is in desperate need of revision so we can avoid circus shows such as this council race. Can we get some qualifications for council? Can we set some standards, like whether a convicted felon can run for office? Can we set limits on how many people can run, so voters don't have to search through 167 names on a ballot? Please!

I'm pretty proud of myself in recent years. I remember, about 5yrs ago, I used to roll my eyes when my, now ex-husband, use to be trying to engage me in political conversations. At that time, politics wasn't something I paid much attention to. Yes, I used to vote based on name recognition, mainly because I wasn't aware or didn't understand the issues. Recently, I've turned over a new leaf. I understand the importance of being an informed voter so that I don't regret the decisions made by people I chose. So, now, I'm always looking for ways to inform myself on issues that surround me. I listen to the Mildred Gaddis show most mornings, I watch CNN in the evenings, and I tune in to the Rachel Maddox show, and another, who's name I can't remember offhand. But, overall, it felt pretty good to vote for people who I really believed in and I encourage all to do the same, if you're not already. And, if you have some news programs that you recommend, please share it with me in the comment section.

Lastly, can anyone say, "Thank God, Martha Reeves is a goner?"

An Interesting Perspective

Is it possible that I could ever regret my decision to lock my hair? Hmm. I don't think so. Just the other day, I was explaining to an inquiring mind how detached I've become with my hair over this hair locking process. I'm not peturbed about the prospect of cutting my locks out IF and WHEN I ever decide not to wear them anymore. I am so NOT "my hair"! The locking process has freed me from the relevance that my hair plays in my life.


Then, here comes my mom with a perspective I hadn't considered. She and I were discussing the difficulties in the job market. Specifically, as it relates to older people being discriminated against. My mom was talking about, possibly, rinsing the grey out of her hair, if she should find herself displaced from her current job. From there, she began talking about the challenges my aunt encountered trying to be promoted into a management position at the company that I, now, work for. My aunt, who was very Afrocentric, from head to toe, was sure that her challenges stemmed from her natural state of being. Eventually, my aunt gave up and pursued other employment endeavors.

Now, here we are--10 plus years later. A natural hair movement, so to speak, has transpired. Everywhere you go, you're likey to see a sistah rocking a low fade, neat afro, natural twists, or locks. It sort of gives the impression that it's become socially acceptable for black women, black people, to embrace and express their natural beauty. After the conversation with my mother, I realized that, while locks may be more "socially" acceptable, the same may not hold true in the corporate world. My career path was not an area I considered when I was thinking of locking my hair.

I've been working for a certain telecommunications company for over 10 years. During those years, I've worked in a few different departments on the non-management side. At different times, I have considered tranistioning to the management side. Of course, I thought nothing of that when I was deciding on whether or not to lock my hair. And, personally, I don't think I should have.

What I, or anyone else, chooses to do with their hair should have no bearing on a position that they carry with a corporation. The emphasis should be placed on the work performed. Unfortunately, I know that how it should be, is not always how it is. So, that being the case, if I begin to notice that I'm not being promoted because of my locks, will I regret my personal style? Will I change my style for a position?

I think NOT!

Easily, locking my hair has been one THE best decisions of my life! Seriously. I could never regret it for anything in the world. If corporate America doesn't want me because of my lovely locks, then, it is THEY who lose.

Up For the Challenge

I'm not sure if my daughter did this on purpose, but, nonetheless, she challenged me to accomplish a long sought after goal of mine. Since she was born 14 years ago, I've been working off & on throughout the years to lose the belly fat that developed from the birth of her and my son five years ago.

Yesterday she and I went to the gym. Back at home I continued to perform some ab exercises and arm toning exercises. While doing this I was talking about how motivated I become when I take in the fit bodies surrounding me at the gym. Well she says, "Ma, I don't even know why you keep exercising. You've been exercising like forever and you don't eat as much junk as some people do and you still got that fat stomach. You might as well just accept it."

Yep. Just like that. That's what MY child said to me. Now, she wasn't mean spirited. She says all the time that I have a nice figure. I wear a size 8. So why do I stress myself over a flabby belly? She simply doesn't understand.

Believe me, I wish I could stop my quest as much as anybody. But how can I stop when I know I haven't done absolutely everything I can to achieve my goal. I'm guilty of wanting the desired result without REALLY investing the sacrifice and dedication necessary to achieve it. The longest duration I went faitfully to the gym was maybe six to nine months. During the time, my body was getting into shape. I could tell. However, I didn't curtail my eating ENOUGH to reach the desired results. I still wanted to eat chocolate chip cookies (my fav), pizza (my other fav), and fast food multiple times during the month.

So, for me, I can't let go of the goal until I do ALL that is reasonably possible. Most of the women I see in the gym who have the bodies I desire are working out HARD. They're not walking on the treadmill. They're RUNNING. They're not just doing the ab machines. They working EVERY muscle. I can only assume, if they're working it out like that in the gym, they're probably meticulous with their healty eating regimens as well.

Though it's taken me awhile to get myself back in the gym, I'm back now. I acknowledge that I need prayer and meditation to overcome the challenges that are before me. What comforts me is that this is something that I want. It's not for anyone elses benefit but my own.

Exercising, eating right, and having the BEST physical and healthiest body I can is a lifetime goal. I intend to be the woman at 45, 50, & 60 years old that younger women declare, "Wow, that's how I want to look when I get that old." Probably sounds a bit vain, but it's my goal, nonetheless. The good thing is that in the process of pursuing my goal, my kids are learning throughout their lives about healthy living because they're involved every step of the way.

Wish me luck!

The Good Ole' Days

I'm wondering when did I become such a scaredy-cat when it comes to spending money. Five years ago, I had standing bi-weekly hair appointments. In the summer, I would at least treat myself to two or three pedicures in the summer time. I would treat my mom, sister, and my daughter to the movies on occasion. We'd go to breakfast, lunch, or dinner. And, the mall was a hangout--not just for window shopping either.

Now, I cringe when my, now, teenage daughter wants to go the mall. Although I want and need a pedicure, when I think about kicking out that $25 dollars compared to just painting my own toenails, I decide on the latter. Even though I wear my hair locked, I only see my loctician a few times a year, maintaining my own hair.

Did the economy reshape my spending priorities? Did maturity? Did having two children?

Whatever the case and cause, I know I miss those days. Even though I know my sights are set on more longterm gratifying things like a bigger house, college savings for my children, my personal savings, vacation (family & personal), I really want the best of both worlds. I'd love to get back to treating myself to regular hair appointments. I want regular pedicures! I want to hit the mall whenever a sale is going on, not just when I absolutely have to for the kids.

Thank God for patience and strength. Until I'm able to have the life I want, I make the best of the life I have. Where I can't shop ALL the time, on the occasion when I take the kids shopping for their necessities, I treat myself to a little something. Every now and then, the kids and I do go out for breakfast or dinner, bowling, and a movie (matinee or drive-ins). I'm comforted knowing my reward is on the way :)

How Rude!

The way you may get through your work day and somebody else gets through their day are not always the same. Here it is Friday. Our boss left early. Yay! Well, my coworker thinks its cool to listen to his music WITHOUT headphones. I, on the other hand, try to get some writing done at times like this. And it's EXTREMELY difficult to get that done with he's jumping from song to song to song!!!!

I know I could ask him to turn the music down, but you'd think he'd know better since he fell out with another coworker over his music being too loud. You know, we're all grown There are just some things you should know. Clearly he doesn't.

Well, it's my time to fly this coup. Hopefully I can finish my other blog entry when I get home. Man, he's lucky I'm not working on a masterpiece.

Peace

L.A. Jefferson

Yes, They're all Squared Away

Finally I can enjoy my summer! Last week I finalized the paperwork for son's new elementary school. Then this week my daughter received her letter of acceptance to the high school she was hoping to get accepted into--a nationally recognized high school and one of the best in our city. Before this, I hate to admit, I didn't have the solid backup plans. It had gotten to the point that I hated when people would ask me what school my daughter was going to. Since most people who asked didn't need the whole story, I started speaking the name of the school we wanted her to go to. Then I was prayed that God would work everything out just the way I needed HIM to.

And he did!

God knew I needed a good elementary school and high school close to my job. Reason being, I plan to move by the end of this year or early next year. And since I'm not decided on where I'll be residing, it became important that both children be in the vicinity of my job. Now that's exactly the case.

Sure I'll lose my peaceful morning drives, being in the hustle and bustle of getting the kids to their respective schools on time. But, when I need to get to them during the school day or for after school activities, I'm less than 10 minutes away from both. Can't get much better than that!

So until school shopping time (practically right around the corner), I'm gonna be relaxing, enjoying the summer sun.

Uh-Oh, She Betta Watch Out

She didn't realize it, but my loctitian gave me major props when she was retightening my hair the other day. You see, I'd just gotten my locs colored a week ago by my pre-natural hair days stylist. Well that stylist doesn't maintain locs, but I trusted her undoubtedly for color treating my locs. Point being, since I had a ladies' night outing prior my scheduling retightening visit I had to do retighten myself. Anyway, when my locitian saw my hair she said, "Oh, she retightened it,too," speaking of the colorist. I proudly answered that I had retightened my own hair. Though she didn't go on to compliment me directly (which I think she should have), I took it as a compliment that she thought a professional had done my hair.

Such a proud moment. Even though I'd received compliments from others when I retighten my locs, it meant a lot coming from someone who does it professionally. It reaffirmed that I can do a really good job when I take my time. And more importantly, if I can do such a good job on my own hair, I can do it for others, too.

That, I'm looking forward to. Yet, another stream of income. One that can replace my day job, if necessary, thus making more free time to pen those stories :) Always gotta think ahead, right?

LA Jefferson

Work What You've Got

I hope this doesn't sound crazy, but I was somewhat comforted when a friend of mine expressed her lack of close female friends to hang out with because I, too, lack in that area. Don't get me wrong. I'm not totally friendless. No need for any tears to be shed over the matter. It's just that the friendships that I have aren't always what I want them to be. We don't talk enough. Or when we do, the conversations are not deep enough. We definitely don't hang out enough. We don't laugh enough together. We don't cry enough together.

I want "Waiting to Exhale" and "Sex in the City" kind of friendships. I want friends who are friends not just in name only, but in action as well. And I'm sure that's what my girlfriend is looking for too.

My friend went on to express how dull her life is because the few women she's friends with are either married, married with children, or single with children. So, she pretty much resigns herself to work and home.

Now that, I can't imagine. The way I see it is you have to put some effort into what you want your life to be. And that's in every aspect whether it's work, school, friends, family, or relationships. You can't sit idly by, expecting meaningful relationships and friendships, or fulfilling career to simply drop in your lap. Boy, if only it were that easy!

So for my friend and myself, where new friendships don't happen often, it's important to nurture the friends that we have. Just because your a friend is married or has children doesn't mean she can't be a friend anymore. Sure, her availability may change, but there will be times for some togetherness. Continue to nurture the friendship with regular phone calls, an occasional visit, and don't give up inviting the friend out from time to time. Although you may get more "I can't" answers than "I can" answers, the effort you put forth will be worth it in the end.

To be on the safe side, nurture multiple friendships simultaneously. You can't have all you eggs in one basket. Yes, even with our girlfriends, this is not wise. When one can't come through, the other possibly will.

But most importantly: GET A LIFE!

Life doesn't begin with children. Life doesn't begin with a spouse or a boyfriend. Life is right now, wherever you are. Don't waste it waiting for certain aspects to be just the way you want them. So until your friends get on your page, or until the right (whatever that is) man comes along, "do you." Get a hobby. Take some classes at a local community college. Join an organization. Do community service. For God's sake, do something more than sulk!

Before you know it, your time is up.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson 1958-2009 (added 6/26/09)

They Won't Always be Small

Here it is a Saturday night--technically Sunday morning-- and I'm sitting in my bed on the Net instead of getting my dance on at two parties I was invited to. While it's not so much that I just to go to either of these parties, but simply that it would be nice to have been able to without taking my kids to my parents house. After all, the do have a father. A father, who during our divorce two years ago, claimed that he wanted joint physical custody of our children. Well, since those proceedings he's done nothing but prove me right in my belief that he wasn't "for real" about his request. Unfortunately, it was also during those proceedings that our children spent a night with their dad. His loss!

It's a good thing that I accepted my sole responsibility for my children a long time ago. So when these seldom times occur, when I long for the kids to have another home with their dad every other weekend, I just remember what my mom told me her mother told her--"Your children won't always be small." How comforting? What's really comforting is that I'm almost there. With a 14 yr old and a 5 yr old, in another year or so, I won't be having this issue.

Now I'm off to bed.

Congrats Graduates

Next to Christmas, the current season has to be my next favorite time of the year. Not only because summer is finally here in Michigan, but it's graduation season.

This year I've had the privilege of having quite a few honories in my personal circle. My mom graduating from our local community college, something she never thought she'd do. My daughter graduating (correction, "being promoted") from middle school. My son completing pre-K. Such exciting times for these graduates. And last but not least, my two step daughters--one graduating from middle school and the other from high school

My emotions really get the best of me during graduation ceremonies. Just yesterday at my daughter's ceremony and a couple of days ago at my mom's, tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I scanned the room of smiling graduates as they walked that precessional walk down the aisle to their seats. All eyes on them. Their moment to shine. Their moment to say, "Yes, I did it!"

They did, indeed, do it. At my son's pre-K celebration, they did it! The little boys and little girls, many of whom had never been in a educational environment before that first day, learned to follow direction from another adult. They learned the importance of sharing. They learned that everything didn't revolve around them. They learned to adapt to a schedule away from home. And one of their biggest lessons, as they move on to Kindergarden in the fall will be that many of the people they meet in this world will only be in their life for a season as they go on to meet new kids, in new schools.

The middle school kids going to high school did it, too! Goodness, I can't even get into the hurdles these kids overcame during these puberty years. But even through puberty, the ups and downs of friendships during those years, the introduction to boyfriends and girlfriends, they made it to the end of that road. And my daighter did it with honors. Now they excitedly look toward their high school years which will bring about even more new and exciting challenges.

My mom and other graduates like her of various ages did it too! The beauty of community college is that some of everybody is there. Recent high school graduates who chose to induce a less stringent transition into college life or who maybe needed to improve their GPA before applying to a 4yr university. There's the student who desires to switch careers and take advantage of the lower cost of tuition by taking general education courses to transfer later on. Then there's the students like my mom. For years, they feared higher education. Not thinking they could measure up. But lo' and behold after taking one class after the next, after the next, by the grace of God (and a little homework help from their kids & grandkids), they find themselves walking across the stage, a confident and degreed individual.

How good is my God? Congrats to the graduates of 2009 and best wishes in all you pursue!

Living without Boundaries

My sister was jokingly talking about her husband possibly having a case of AADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder) because he just seems to be all over the board when it comes to what profession he's in pursuit of--finance, retail, teaching, or ministry. What's funny is that as she was talking, I couldn't help but think to myself, "That sounds a lot like me!"

If you ask me, besides writing--the only constant in my life--I'm all over the board with my interest. The fact that I have a undergraduate and graduate degree in business administration, I feel compelled to pursue a management position in the company that I've been working for over the last 10yrs. However, more recently, I've been considering a different avenue altogether--teaching.

High school teacher. Community college teacher. University teacher. Those are my options. With the exception of community college (if I remain in the business field), the transition would require additional education on my part. I could either pusue secondary education certification for business to teach high school or a doctoral program to teach at a university.

Then I face the question, do I really want to teach--on any level? The question requires serious thought. The last thing I want to do is spend time advancing my education, only to decide it's not the path that I really want.

Optimally, I would love to get an advanced degree in creative writing and teach that. That would be awesome!

My life motto is "As long as you still have breath, there's still time." So the way I see it is as long as God grants me days on this Earth, I'm gonna spend each of those days trying to get it right on EVERY aspect of my life. While some may call it AADD or just plain 'ole wishy washy, I'm never going to stop trying to find that right balance for my life. And I'd encourage everyone to do the same. There's only a small percentage of people who automatically know what they want to do with their life. For those of who weren't so fortunate, we just have to keep searching until that final curtain call.

So What Now

This past Monday was the last session of the Weight Watchers program I participated in for the past 12 weeks. I wasn't as successful as I'd hoped--losing only 5 lbs--but I emerged with some important revelations as it pertains to my weight loss goals.

For starters, I've been on this journey since I gave birth to my first child fourteen years ago. Lucky for me, my weight loss battle has never involved a significant amount of weight to lose--never more than 20 lbs, and that's being generous. I gave up a long time ago of trying to regain my prepregnancy weight, which would have been my high school weight of a mere buck oh five. So, probably about five years into it, I decided that all I really wanted was to trim the fat off of my belly. Hence came my REAL problem.

In my mind, since I only had one part of my body that I wanted to change, I didn't feel like I needed to make that many changes. I was no stranger to exercise, having the best example with my dad, and avid jogger and bicyclist my whole life. While not athletic, I'd always been a walker, plus every now and then I'd do sculpting exercises like bicep curls, pushups, situps, etc.

After tweaking my diet as much as I thought I needed and exercising, most times consistently, but not always so, I didn't yield the desired results. This made me angry. It was extremely frustrating for me to witness others who didn't appear to be working as hard as me have the body that I so desired. They would still eat pizza, burgers & fries, desserts,etc. But it was like, when I did those things (admittedly more often than I should've), my body and self-esteem suffered.

The most important thing I learned from the Weight Watcher program was that I'm doing great if I want to stay where I am. I'm moderately active--taking brisk walks around the neighborhood and walking over my lunch during the week. I even have a gym membership so I can go there when weather doesn't permit outside exercise. I also learned that my biggest weakness is lack of preparation for evening meals. During the program, I would lose weight when I planned ahead for meals. I would gain that same weight back the following week when I didn't. Up and down. Up and down.

What I know is that I don't want to enslave myself to anyone's gym. I have way too much going on with my children, their activities, and my own activities. Plus I'd prefer to get my exercise by doing just what I've been doing and other activities that include my family (bike riding, skating, walking, playing badmitton, etc.) I'm more about having fun and staying fit.

Where does that leave me? Well, I still have dreams of a better looking belly. But now I have time working against me. I'm only a couple of years away from 35. And for women, that's about the time when weight loss gets extremely difficult because of a quickly declining metabolism. However, I'm no quitter. Now that I'm comfortable on my stance of exercising, I can more fully concentrate on my diet.

So Weight Watchers, here I come again.

If Not for Mother's Day

Unfortunately my Mother's Day weekend didn't get off to the greatest start. Something I ate didn't agree with my stomach and it became clear at approximately 4 o'clock in the morning when I awoke with terrible stomach cramps. Still, about six hours later I tried to trek on to work to take advantage of infrequently offered overtime. But the closer I got to my job, although mildly improved, my crampy stomach told me I wouldn't be able to concentrate on much else. So, regrettfully I turned around to go back home. Then I had a epiphany! As far as anyone knew, I was gonna be at work for the next four hours. So I figured this was the best opportunity for a little "me" time.

While quietly suffering, I preceded to treat myself to a much needed and well deserved pedicure, followed by my favorite meal of the day--breakfast(albeit I was unable to enjoy it). Had it not been Mother's Day, I would've taken my behind home, but something just didn't seem right about not having some time to myself to do things for myself that I deserve and enjoy.

I really appreciate the opportunity that Mother's Day affords me. Although I know plenty of moms who treat themselves to pedicures, manicures, facials, etc on a regular basis, I have not been apart of that circle in a few years now. Since returning to single mom status a couple of years ago, I was forced to readjust my financial priorities to, not only accomplish some short-term goals, but also to continue the pattern of saving that I managed to establish being married. With that came less trips to the hair salon, only seasonal pedicures, no manicures, and no major wardrobe upgrades for myself. I committed myself to spending regularly for the children's needs and only as needed or for special occassions for myself.

As mothers, we know that our children always need one thing or another. Whether its lunch money, field trip money, money for hanging out w/friends, socks, undies, and the list goes on and on. Well Mother's Day (and my birthday) are the only times of the year when I can, with a clear conscience, declare that the only spending that I'll be doing will be on ME.

So, until the children are completely self-sufficient (whenever that is), whether rain, sleet, snow, or stomach ache, I will continue to set aside Mother's Day to treat myself to a little luxury.

A New Day Has Begun

Two important things occured in the special election on May 5, 2009. Of the 15% of registered voters, it was clear that the Detroiters who really care about this city don't want anymore of the same. We just got rid of one arrogant mayor, who put himself above the interest of the city--we didn't need another one with Ken Cockrel Jr. And while I question what Mayor-elect Dave Bing can accomplish in the short seven month stint of his term, his election to office still signifies the change Detroiters need and want.

The second important occurence in the special elections is the decision to revise the city charter. Who will revise is it, I'm not sure. But the fact that it's going to be revised is a great start. One of the first revisions should be an amendment to this entire special election process. If there is 18 months or less for the vacating mayoral position, then the interim mayor should serve the rest of the term. That makes a lot more sense than spending all of the money that has been spent so someone can be in office for a little over 6 months, only to have to run again for a full term.

While the process has been crazy, it's well worth it for a new leader of the city to have emerged. Having fresh blood take the reins of the city gives Detroiters hope that we will finally move in the direction that the well-intentioned, but entirely too arrogant and immature, former Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick envisioned for our city.

Now we can look forward to the major election in November and get a clean slate on City Counsel.

Show some Detroit Love Please

I'll be the first to admit that it's hard to love Detroit right about now. Others may say it's ALWAYS hard. Amidst the auto crisis, high crime rate, high property taxes and insurance, failing public school system, and such highly publicized corruption in our local government, this is probably about the worst time to love Detroit.

Nevertheless, whether you are stuck in this city because of the current economy or have chosen to remain in the city for reasons only you, personally, may understand, we {Detroiters} still have a responsibility to uplift our community.

I, like many people, know people who live all over. In respects to Michigan, I know just as many people who on the outskirts of the city as I do people who live in the city od Detroit. But you know what, I never hear the people who live outside of the city, a.k.a the burbs, talking down about their resident. And believe me, there could be something negative said, albeit not as much as Detroit, of anyplace.

But what's worse about Detroit is that as many people who don't live in the city who trash it (literally), there are just as many, if not more, who do live here that trash it as well. That's what breaks my heart.

Now check out this piece of news: A city is only as good as the people who inhabit it. So for those of you who are adding to the mayhem and destruction, GET IT TOGETHER!

My challenge to all others is, for as long as you are a resident of Detroit, show your city some love, some pride. Maybe if we do, others will follow suit.

Below are some simple ways you can do this:

1.) Don't throw trash out the window of your cars.
2.) If not totally detestable, pick up the trash in your neighborhood or any area you happen to walking in if there's a trash can near by.
3.) Next time you have out of town guests, try showcasing some of Detroit's hot spots (i.e. Starters Lounge (the original), the Riverwalk, the Ren Cen, Detroit Insitute of Art, etc.)
4.)If you're speaking of something negative going in the city, follow it up with a possible solution.
5.)Vote in every election and avoid choosing people solely based on name recognition. Find out what candidates plan to do and see if they've done it before in another capacity. Let's the stop putting our city in just anybody's hands.

CWA & AT&T--The Fight Continues

The labor contract for Communication Workers of America (CWA) AT&T Midwest employees expired on April 4, 2009. Against the assumptions of non-management and management employees alike, the leaders of CWA did not call for a labor strike. With the economy being as it is, although a labor strike was voted for by the majority of union members, no one was complaining. Striking is not something we want to do, but we are prepared to do WHATEVER it takes to get a FAIR labor contract from telecommunication frontrunner, AT&T.

AT&T is insulting the intelligence of CWA leaders and the hardworking employees, who are the backbone, using the crisis of the BIG 3 Automakers in Michigan as a reason to not only shift massive healtcare costs from themselves, who reaped over 12 billion in profits in 2008, to their already struggling middle-class employees, but also reduce pensions, stagnate wage increases, eliminate job security measures.

Let me make it clear first, that workers of CWA are not looking for major increases in anything. What we want, which is the desire of any working person with or without family obligations, is to be able to continue to maintain our current standards of living. And believe me when I say, that that standard of living is nowhere near the luxurious standard of living afforded to the top executives of AT&T. We want to be able to afford modest homes, modest transportation, supply our homes with food, take care of our children, and have something to look forward to for retirement. That's not too much to ask for from a corporate giant like AT&T, an leader in an industry that is and continues to forecast increased profits.

Next on the agenda to make clear is the all-to-important fact that AT&T is NOT, nor are they anywhere near the predicament of the Big 3 automobile companies. This week Chrysler announced it would be filing for bankruptcy. Both Chrysler and General Motors have needed monies from the government to stay afloat. Ford Motor Company is the only one of the three who decided to manage without the government assistance. However, these dyer states of the automobile companies did not appear overnight. In fact, it's been several years in the making. And guess, what? Their troubles are not the fault of the union. It's the responsibility of the companies management team to maintain the profitablity of the company. And it's the union's responsibility to maintain the rights of its members. Together the groups' goal is to creat a mutually beneficial relationship where the advantage of one is not at the detrimental disadvantage of the other.

Through the years of their negotiating relationship, AT&T and CWA have always been successful with accomplishing the goal of mutual benefits for the labor contract. It's unacceptable of AT&T to be using the tragic situation of the auto industry for it's own selfishness. Rather than leading their industry in the fight with the government for universal healthcare for ALL citizens in this country, AT&T would rather jump on the bandwagon of extinguishing the middle-class.

Well, the members of CWA aren't taking that without a FIGHT! If you support this cause, please sign the petition at the following website: www.standupforworkers.com.

@ 2009 LA Jefferson

Super Mom Moment

Every so often throughout the year I experience "super mom" moments. Last week, Thursday, was my son's 5th birthday. It was the same day of my 14year old daughter's Annual Sports Award Banquet at her middle school. This was the first year that the ceremony was taking place in the evening, which would've been most convenient had I not wanted to take my son and nephew to one of kids' favorite places, Chuck-E-Cheese. Since attending the banquet was mandatory, as was celebrating my baby's b-day on his day (Saturday was already filled up), some improvising would be called for.

Now, one would think I would've have everything all figured out a few weeks ago. However, I'm severly striken with procrastinitis, as like to call it, and have been for most of my life. So while I knew I was going to buy my son a new bike for his birthday, I was taking him out the evening before his birthday to get him sized for one. After we did at Toys R Us, I dropped him off at home with his sister while I made a trip to my local dollar store for his b-day balloons, which, of course, would remain in the car until he was asleep for the night. That wraps up the day before the b-day.

The day of, baby boy is happy to awake to his colorful assortment of balloons! Doesn't stop him from aksing where his presents and cake are??? Well, at 5, he hasn't drawn the conclusion that mom doesn't make cakes, she buys them. Grandma is the cake maker. However, mom was surprising him with cupcakes for his class after their naptime. I mistakenly figured he'd be distracted with getting ready for school to think about a cake. Anyway, regarding presents, the Batman car I bought for him on our trip to Toys R Us, he didn't consider to be among his b-day presents. He expected something the day of. Kids--gotta love 'em. But he had no idea that his brand new bike would be awaiting him when he got of school.

So I take him to school and hurry to work for a half day. I left work at 1PM, leaving myself exactly 1hr to get to Toys R Us to pick up the bike, get to the bakery for the cupcakes (yes, I should have bought them the day before, but remember, procrastinitis). Thank God, I managed to get everything done and arrived at the school promply at 2PM, surprising the birthday boy. It was lots of fun, although the b-day boy didn't want one of his own cupcakes.

We get home, he's blown away by his new bike. I have to run down the street alongside him as he rides because the bike is a little bigger than the one he learned how to ride without training wheels last summer. But he was doing great. Then once his sister came home froms school, there wasn't much time for anything else besides getting ready for her banquet. The two hour banquet, which consisted of a few song selections by the school choir, a keynote speaker, decent meal, and award presentation, was long and lovely, but she was glad, as most kids are (even teenagers) to have their mom is present at such special moments, of course taking pictures :)to capture the moment.

It was nearly 11PM when I was finally able to relax. Literally, I had been running around from the time I woke up that morning until we finally got home that night. It was a whirlwind of a day! But as tired as I was, I didn't regret a moment of it. With all the fussing and disciplining children that moms (and dads) have to do, moments when you know you're making them happy are so worth all the hard work. That makes it all worthwhile.

STAND for Something or Fall for ANYTHING

Even though I’ve been a union member 10 yrs now, and have gone through approximately 3 contract negotiations, I’ve never experienced anything like what I’m experiencing now. Communication Workers of America (CWA) is in the fight for its life with corporate giant AT&T. After the major concessions that the United Auto Workers (UAW) labor union had to make over the past couple of years, AT&T is more than determined to force CWA to make similar concessions, notwithstanding the fact that the telecommunications industry is nowhere near the ruined state of the automotive industry. In fact, like the medical industry, the telecommunications industry, with AT&T being at the top of the helm, still continues to reap huge profits. But still, they’re trying to force the union to make concessions in every vital area of interest to its workers: healthcare, wages, job protection, guaranteed time off, and retirement benefits.

One would think, in this case, that the members with the vested interest in these issues would do whatever their union leaders asked of them. Well, they don’t. From what I’ve been witnessing, too many of the members want to reap the benefits that the union provides, but aren’t the least bit interested in making even small sacrifices for the cause. Instead, they sit around sprouting off about how the union does nothing for them. About how the union is so weak. About how the union is busy lining their own pockets, not really fighting for the benefits those they represent.

The union, however, is only as strong as its members. I concede that labor unions are nowhere near the powerhouses they were back in the old days. But now I see why. It’s the weakness of the membership. The people don’t possess the passion for workers’ rights like they did back in the day. The people have taken for granted all of the benefits (40hr workweek, vacation days, personal days, sick days, 15 minute breaks, etc) that labor unions brought to the American workplace. Just like civil rights, the people have forgotten that the people of yesteryear fought and died for those very rights.

During a union steward training class I attended a couple of weeks, I was humbled beyond measure at the sight of a man beaten to death for supporting organized labor. Today, I, along with thousands of others, are able to be apart of an organized labor unions that fight for fair treatment, fair pay, job protection, etc., without fear of losing our lives. And I can admit that until the moment of seeing that slide of that beaten man, I never considered my union membership a big deal. I wasn’t looking for a union job when I was hired into AT&T. It just happens to be they way I got my foot in the door. Now that I’m here, I can’t even say that I’ll always be on this side of the line with my employment with the company. But I can say that while I’m on this side, I appreciate the work the union does on my behalf. Because of what they’ve done over the years, I’ve been well able to provide for myself and my children. So, today, as the company is attempting to make it difficult for me to comfortably maintain my standard of living, I will continue to stand with them and support their efforts.

If they ask me to wear red every Thursday to display my solidarity, I will. If they ask me to spend my lunch hour at an informational picket to openly display to AT&T that I can make a sacrifice for what’s important to me, I will. If they ask me to come out on a Sunday afternoon for a rally, I will. If they ask me to walk off the job, I will.

And when the negotiations are over, if the union has to make more concessions than we all wanted, I won’t declare that the small sacrifices I made were a waste of time because they don't compare to the sacrifices of those who came before me. Instead, I’ll feel proud that I took a stand for something. Like it's often said, “Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”

Happy Belated Loc Anniversary!

Ohmigod! I've completely broken hair loc protocol. The month of March has come and gone and I didn't even bother acknowledging my 1yr hair loc anniversary. Since I don't remember the exact date, I've designated March 25th as my official anniversary date. I know this because I was hosting my sister's bridal shower at that time and gave my hair a fresh two-strand twist 'do.

What's so important about that, you may be wondering? On the various natural hair websites I've visited over the past two years, women and a small number of men, expressed nothing but joy and exhilaration about the anniversary of the date they went natural (the big Chop, as some call it). All the way from the 1st, through the 10th, and even through the 50th and higher. Yes, it's just that significant. The date a person makes a conscience decision to go against the grain of everything they've been conditioned to believe about what's beautiful, what's sexy, what's acceptable is a BIG deal.

I'm ecstatic to be apart of that community! While the journey was long and tumultuous--some of the absurd comments from family, friends, coworkers were just unbelievable--it was so worth it. To be able to wake up every morning without having to allot at least 30 minutes to my morning regimen with trying to flatten, curl, or slick my hair into a style, which was never to my liking 100%, brings about a joy that is indescribable. To listen to those who once ridiculed me now singing praises of how pretty my hair is, how long my hair has grown brings a smile across my lips. When people pull me to the side, almost whispering, that they, too, are interested in locks, but were afraid of the process, I feel proud to sharing my story.

Although rewarding in the end, the beginning of the lock process is not easy. Physically and emotionally. First, the hair goes through a state of confusion. After years of keeping it from it's natural state via chemical or heat processing, now you want it to do what it was doing way back before you started all of that. Next, the pool of your peers may think you've lost your mind and some will even tell you so, like one of my coworkers told me. "Girl, I thought you were having some kind of mental breakdown." By far, that was the wildest comment I heard regarding my transformation. But there were definitely others. Those who had manners enough not to speak such idiocies to my face kindly waited until I was out of earshot to comment amongst their friends. Some just looked on. Then, there are the silly people who will pass their judgment in the form of jokes like, "be quiet before I send you to the beauty salon" or other forms of subtle teasing.

But the most common form of negativity I encountered was with people who can't wait to tell you that you'll have to cut all your hair off if you decide you don't want the locks anymore. That used to bother me until I became more confident with the decision I made. Then I began countering with some facts of my own: It's only hair. Hair doesn't define me, it's an extension of me. And most importantly, I've spent so much of my life enslaved to my hair that it will be several years down the line before that will even be a remote consideration. I mean, why would I remove myself so quickly from the freedom I've just begun to enjoy. The way I see it, at 33 years old, I've been fighting to make my hair something that it's not for 20 plus years. Now it's time to spend the next 20 or so letting it do what it do.


And I'm loving it! So Happy 1yr Lock Anniversary to me!

Chris & Rihanna--Don't be so quick to judge!

I hadn't realized how much of a Chris Brown fan I was until this fiasco between him and Rihanna jumped off two weeks ago. To me, their's is not the usual cut and dry domestic abuse case, though I do not, under any circumstances, condone the excessive force Chris obviously used against Rihanna, who I'm also a big fan of.

Why isn't this case "cut and dry", you may be asking? Well, a few things come to mind. Usually when we think of domestic violence, it's automatically assumed that it's a stuation of a man beating up on a helpless woman. While that is often the case, it's not always. There are some relationships where the man AND the woman have extremely aggressive and volatile personalities and they just get down like that. Not that I'm saying that's the case for Chris and Rihanna. That part, we'll never know.

What we do know, however, are about the reports of Rihanna trying to control what women Chris had in his company, when she was around or not. Don't get me wrong, that still doesn't excuse his role in the matter. However, a person is only going to allow you to be ALL up his mix when you get good and ready--snatching his phone, slamming his phone or throwing it against something, getting up in his face when you feel he's done something wrong, or smacking him upside the head, etc--before he's had enough.

I can speak on this subject because I've been on both sides of the fence. I've been the victim of a jealous, insecure, first, verbally, then physically abusive boyfriend. I've also been that insecure, controlling, hotheaded woman. In the first situation, for reasons of his own, and maybe some unintentional behavior on my part, the guy just didn't trust me. When I'd tell him I spent the day at my mother's house, he didn't believe it. The nights I didn't let him come over my house, he swore it was because I had someone else over. Whenever my phone rang in his presence, he assumed it was another guy. While that may have been true in some cases, he didn't believe that the relationship was just platonic. As time went on, he started doing crazy stuff like waiting at the corner of my mom's block to see if I was really where I said I was. One night he even broke a key off in my house door so I couldn't get in my house after I refused to tell him my whereabouts, but he pretended he didn't know anything about it. In our arguments he would cuss me out, calling me obscene names, like he never had before. I won't get into the physical incident, only noting that it was unprovoked by me. He just couldn't except that he couldn't have things the way he wanted. Now, what he should have done, if he was mature and rational, was end our relationship. The basic rule is, if you don't trust your mate, for whatever reason, end the relationship for both of your sakes. Both people suffer if you don't.

In the latter situation, I was married and from day one, my husband received phone calls at inappropriate times of night from females. He received text messages, too, that made it very clear to me that he was pretending to be single on the outside of our home. Rather than following the above mentioned rule, I could make him behave. I went through his phone when he slept. I checked his truck and the pockets of his clothes for evidence of wrongdoing. And guess what? Yep, I found it. Like the saying goes, if you look for trouble, you'll find it. Believe me when I say, I cut up like a fool with each incident. He had to at least buy three new phones. And I did worse than that, when my temper really flared. Cussed him out, threw something dangerously close to his head, pushed on him on everything. I was out of control. But that's how it is when you're trying to control someone else and losing control of yourself.

Granted, he never retaliated. But he did come close on one occasion. After he warned and warned me to back up off him, and I kept pushing and pushing and pushing, he finally put his hands around my neck, forcing me down on the bed. "Now, how you like it?" he asked me. Of course, I was freaked out. I didn't that. For one, I'd known him since we were teenagers and we had a previous relationship where I tested his patience and he never lost his cool. This time, he'd had enough. Tell you the truth, I don't think I acted in that manner again after that incident. Luckily for both of us, I realized I was fighting a losing battle and we eventually split.

Now if I would've called the police on him, he may have been arrested. And I don't think it would've mattered if he'd reported all the things I done to him in the past. The property I damaged. The times I'd put my hands on him. After all, I hadn't done anything to bruise him. Domestic violence is all about who puts in that call and the incident at hand.

With that said, yes, Chris Brown is guilty of beating Rihanna up. He beat her up bad. But it is my belief that there have been a string of events in their relationship that has led up to this. The lessons to be learned are: 1) Sometimes you gotta love yourself more than you love another and leave before problems escalate to this magnitude. 2) The only person you can control in any given situation is yourself.

May Chris and Rihanna go on to have successfull careers and lives.

Copyright @ 2009 LA Jefferson