2011 Expectations

Wow! The new year is right around the corner--4 days to be exact. And I am reeling with contemplation for how I plan to enter the new decade. Now, I don't get off into the New Year's resolution thing but it's definitely time for a change on the inside and out. Here is a short list of changes I'm looking forward to for my 2011. Tell me some of yours.

1. Cleanliness & Orderliness--My bedroom and my desk at work have one significant thing in common--CLUTTER! Especially in my bedroom I oftentimes get overwhelmed with the stuff be around me that I can't sleep. This stuff ranges from Avon boxes, books, mail, shoes & boots that my closet can't contain. I've been so put off by my clutter that I've gone so far as to wake up 2 hrs before my normal time just so I could clean my room. At least once, I took the day off work to do the same thing. Sometimes I simply can't take it! Unfortunately I never get it quite to where I want it to be. I'm praying I get it together in 2011. I don't want to take lack of cleanliness and order to my bigger bedroom in my next house. I may take a day off work 12/31 just to get it done!

2. I feel a new 'do coming on. This goal is kind of tricky considering I've only been locked for 2 1/2 years, not to mention I'm not 100% on what I want to do with my hair oustide of locks, but I can't shake this antsy feeling. I've gone through this before--wanting them out. After careful consideration I've always come back to the realization that this is what's best for my hair. I have the length for versatility that I don't take enough advantage of. Plus, it's getting longer as the days go on. Thing is if I want the locks to be down by 1/1 (actually 12/30) I need to start the process of combing them out tonight. But what will I do with my hair without locks. I don't want to be like those I've known who've taken there locks out and immediately regretted it. So I'll have to think on this one. Maybe I just need to commit to keeping my roots tightened for a better look.  Update: See how quickly my mind can change in a 24 hr period. Revised goal is NOT to take my locks down but create a real hair regimen like moisturizing more often and keeping my roots twisted AND wearing crinkley locks more often.

3. An attitude of expectation. God's word promises to provide the NEEDS of HIS children. Guess what? I AM one of HIS children. So that means HE will provide my needs. Therefore, I will now have an attitude of expectancy instead of constantly thinking of what I don't have because HE will provide. For me specifically in 2011 I need a bigger house that is equally affordable as the one that I currently live in. I'm not sure of how the process is going to work BUT I expect it to work in my favor. And like Forest Gump said, "That's all I'm going to say about that."

4. Spiritual--I'm always in constant communication with God. However, somewhere along the lines I stopped getting down on my knees in prayer. I've been afraid of fasting. Today, the buck stops here. Actually, for the last two days I have gotten my butt out of bed, onto my knees and prayed. It felt good. I'll also be going back to Sunday school, which will be good for my children too.

5. Friends & Family. For years I've wanted certain kinds of relationships with the few friends that I've maintained over the years. You know, those Waiting to Exhale & Sex and the City type of friendships. But, in complete honesty I have not walked the walk. Wherever my friends are--out of state or in state with me--I truly appreciate their presence in my life and I plan to more of a concerted effort to show them as much.

6. Of course this post wouldn't be complete without my 2011 writing expectations!!! Simply put, WRITE MORE! SELL MORE!. By spring 2011 my follow up to Unfinished Business will be complete so by this time next year I expect to be midway through the third book.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Count the Little Blessings Too

God is always good. No doubt about that. But there some times when I feel especially favored by HIS good ness. Such a time was this past weekend. As I often do, I overextended my committments for this past weekend. First, on Friday, two graduation parties--one for a family member, the other for a friend. Second, on Saturday, a professional organization I'm involved with was scheduled to perform community service at 6:30 A.M. and after that I was supposed to have breakfast with a few of the members. Following breakfast, which I hoped would go quickly, I was to be at my church by noon to prepare Christmas baskets for the senior members of our church. Need I mention that this is also the last weekend before Christmas and I'd planned to get some shopping done too. Oh yes, then church on Sunday. I didn't know how I was going to do it all, but I was going to honor all of my committments!

What did God do for me that was so special??? Let me tell youl . Shortly before the first graduation party on Friday I received a text message from my coworker that there was a scheduling error for our community service date. Our service date was for the previous Saturday! As much I was disappointed that we had the date wrong and had therefore missed our opportunity to serve, words can't express how glad I was that I wouldn't have to awake at the crack of dawn to serve breakfast the next morning! Whew! One thing off my plate--actually two since the cancellation of the one automatically cancelled the breakfast plans. Then I received a phone call from the organizer of basket prep session that the time was actually 10AM instead of 12 noon so that meant I only had one thing to do on Saturday and I'd be finished with that early in the afternoon and would therefore have the rest of the day for me!

Nothing monumental but the little things count too!

Christmas Lists & Kids

I'm just curious--do you shop specifically off your kids Christmas list? For me, it depends on the age group of the child. This issue arose when my daughter kidded that my 6yr old might as well not make a list because I never buy anything off the list. Clearly as the big sister she has many fun facts to share with her little brother about me, which she gets quite a kick out of, I might add. In my defense, I try to buy a few things off my kids' list but let's be honest--at 6yrs old, don't kids want, like, EVERYTHING??? Seriously, when the first toy sales booklet came my son marked off just about every boy toy that was in it! What am I supposed to do with that??? Really? Certainly not buy him stuff I know he only wants for the pizzazz of it all. Therefore, I buy him stuff that I know he'll love just like my daughter did. Even she has to admit that I never bought her anything she didn't love!

It's Turkey Day

As usual I don't get excited about the Thanksgiving holiday until the day before. I'm telling you, the weekend before when I know I should be shopping for the BIG dinner I'm pretty synical in my thinking: "Why spend all this money to make all of this food and desserts for this one day? Just so folks can eat until they can't fit anymore into their stomachs and then complain about the pounds they're surely putting on?" With that kind of stuff floating around in my head I might buy something small like the cornish hen or somce turkey parts (I never cook with a whole bunch of people in mind). However, when the day before Thanksgiving arrives it's like I have this huge realization that "THANKSGIVING IS TOMORROW!!!" This is when I realize that my table is going to be seriously lacking if I don't get my butt in gear, right? So, Kroger (or whatever grocery store I choose) here I come...

Greens in the pot, cornbread in the over, cake ingredients on the kitchen counter, and turkey breast in the fridge...I'm ready to get down to the get down!

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy the day being thankful!

Chillaxin Saturday--NOT

Somebody told me that I don't do anything. Huh? That couldn't be farther from the truth! The truth of the matter is that even when I'm not doing anything I'm doing something. Today, for example, I made a conscience decision to chill at home, maybe clean my bedroom which is always in need of attention and, of course, do a bit of writing.

At first I was going to plug into my book project, but I decided against it. I actually have made a lot of progress on it over the last week and I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's my blogging that I needed to catch up on. Maintaining three of them--I've got to stay on top of it. As a matter of fact when I finish this post I've got to complete one of the others I was working on this morning. I intended to get a little bit more accomplished online such as creating my mailing list, updating my website, add to my blog design, etc, but I was joyfully interrupted by the company of my four nephews and neice. It was my daughter's suggestion for them to come over for a visit since we don't get many visits because we're always the ones doing the visiting. Their ages ranging from eight to six months, it goes without saying that my attention was appropriately diverted from my original intentions. Nevertheless, I'm pleased with what I managed to accomplish.: clean room, style in progress for my lovely locs, and updated blog posts.

Now I'd better stop going on and on about how good this day was so that I can finish that other blog and take my butt to bed in preparation for tomorrow. If all goes well I'll get up early enough to go to Sunday School before church.

Delegating Gone Good

It seemed like a fine idea from the onset. But the nights following the idea my nights were becoming quite tumultuous. You'd probably think I was pondering some life altering decision like getting married or relocating my family to another state. Nope, not so. What was weighing on my mind so heavily was whether or not to allow my ex-husband to attend our son's school field trip?

Whoa! Whoa! Before you pounce on me let me explain my position. Although I'm not a dead beat dad basher, in my posts you could probably still gather that I am of the single parent status. Ever since our divorce after our first child was born my ex has never been a hands on kind of father. Even after we reconciled, had a second child together and divorced again, he's never stepped up his game with being an involved parent though he promised he would. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. The extent of his parental involvement has been from his semi-regular financial support and the occasional fun outings when he is so gracious as to share his off days with his children.

So, anyway, it's the beginning of the school year AND the near end of the calendar year, which leads to the reason why I needed my ex to go on this field trip in the first place. I'M OUT OF VACATION TIME!!! While my ex is always screeching about how he doesn't get any time off from his job I've always taken note of how he's off whenever he needs to go to court and stuff so I've always known he could get a day off with advance notice so I decided to call him on it and lo and behold he said okay. From that moment on I started wondering if I'd done the right thing.

For starters, our son was NOT going to be happy about this change in the game plan. Sure, his grandfather had chaperoned one of his field trips in Pre-K, but it's always been mom at his side (not that he'd been on that many field trips but I'm the one who's always been there). The last thing he expected or wanted was his dad to be there. "Mom, he's going to embarrass me," were the words of my son when I told him his dad was going on the trip. I translated his comment into, "My dad is going to yelling at me and being mean and my friends are going to be laughing at me." I'm almost sure that's what he meant.

In the back of my mind I was hoping (praying on occasion) that my ex backed out then that way I could do what I had to do and go on the field trip. At the same time, however, I was steadily trying to convince myself that he had just as much of an obligation to use his personal time from work for his children. After all, where do you think the majority of my vacation time went: doctors' appts, dentists appts, parent-teacher conferences, and other school functions. So in essence, it was about time he was doing something and I needed to be glad for it.

The field trip was yesterday. And down to the wire my son tried to coax me into going with him even if his stand still went. He just wanted his mom :)) In the end, I was steadfast in letting dad do his due dilegence and when I saw my son when I got off work he looked just as happy as when I dropped him off at school. I was like, "Cool. He had a good time." Then he looked up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes and said, "Mommy, can you go on my next field trip please?"

Time Out for Excuses

At some point it simply becomes time to stop making excuses. Initially I was going to begin this blog entry with an insult that I felt was bestowed upon me by a loved one. However, the truth is that it wasn't an insult, it was the truth--a truth that was hard to take from this particular person. Often times I complain about being too busy to do a lot of domestic stuff like cook dinner regularly and keeping my house clean and in order. I work full time. I have two children. I'm involved in many different activities and always on the look out for more. But the plain 'ole truth is that I just don't feel like doing it.  I have the best intentions to prepare healthy meals for my family, but I honestly don't have the energy after I get through running around after work. As for the house, I want it clean--even feel deeply agitated on the inside when it's not clean BUT again, I feel zapped by the end of the work day and when Saturday--the one day I don't HAVE to get up early--it's pretty easy to do other stuff. I quietly wish I was wealthy enough to have a cleaning service do it all while I run all around town doing the things that I really want to do. Who wouldn't prefer to have someone else clean their house??? I mean, besides the compulsive types, of course. But reality --whether we like it or not--is that, as the woman of the house it's my responsibility to maintain a clean home and teach my children to do the same. Therefore, I'm not going to allow myself to feel insulted by the comments that were made, but instead I will allow them to motivate me to get my butt in gear!

Slow Down...Yeah Right!

To call me "busy" is almost an understatement. I'm a single mom of two and I'm involved in several different activities. I'm a regular volunteer of a public service organization, book club facilitator and membership coordinator of a local community service organization, I'm a member & PR Director of an employee based organization, and I'm a member of a local writer's group. In addition to the organizations that I'm apart of, I also do plenty of activities with my children. We spend time with my parents, we go on walks, we go skating, we go bowling, we go to the movies. I'm hoping by the end of summer that we get some bike riding on the list too now that I finally replaced my daughter's bike. Anyway, between my organizations' activities and meetings and my activities with my children, there seems to be no time to just relax!

Now, maybe you're thinking, "Nobody told you to spread yourself so thin..." You're absolutely right. But you know what, now that I've started I don't know how to stop.

Perfect Timing

There's a saying that most Christains know very well. It goes something like, "God may not come when you want him, BUT He's always comes on time." I can certainly attest to that on many levels. However, more recently, this past week I was really feeling the need for a getaway. I needed some time just for me. Not me and the kids. Not me and my mom. Not me and and anybody else. Well, after some plans that I was trying to make fell through I turned my mind to look forward to the next best thing--a quiet weekend at home with the kids. I figured I'd give them something they'd been looking forward to first, then maybe they'd be cool with spending Saturday at home, you know, without pestering me about when we were going to go somewhere. So, I took them to see the new released movie they both wanted to see, "Dispicable Me." Much to the delight of my son, I even let my nephew tag along. Cool auntie, right :) Anyway, they got what they wanted on Friday and I got what I wanted on Saturday PLUS a bonus! My morning began with a brisk walk. When I got home, I put the children to work cleaning the house. In thd midst of our (mainly her) cleaning, my daughter and I were entertained with Lifetime Movie Network movies. It was shaping up to be a very relaxed and quiet afternoon. Out of nowhere my sister calls me up and asks if my daughter could come over to her house to braid her hair (yep, my baby's got skills!) and of course I said yes and insisted that my son tag along to so he could play with his little cousins. It only made sense. And just like that I got a few hours to myself--all to myself! So, even though I thought I needed an entire weekend to myself, God saw fit to give me a few hours and I couldn't have been more greatful!

The Nerve of Some People

When I awoke to a missed call on Father's Day morning from my ex-husband, a.k.a. my children's father, I figured that maybe he was calling to let me know that he was FINALLY going to give me some child support--smack in the forehead! What was I thinking??? It's only been about 4 months since he's provided some financial support. But, no. He was calling at 10AM to find out why his kids hadn't called him to wish him a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!! Now, fellas, PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am by no means saying that he shouldn't expect his children to honor him on this day because he hasn't paid any child support. The thing is, not only is he not helping financially he also doesn't make a point to have any physical presence in his children's lives. He doesn't even do that when he does pay child support. Then, to make matters worse he goes into telling me the status of his failing marriage. He and his wife have been separated for about 4-5 months. Side note: they haven't even been married a year! According to him, she doesn't make time for him. She give him no attention. All she care about are her kids. The only thing she seems to want from him is sex and money. He can't stand that he gave his heart to her. The comment that sent me over the edge was when he said he doesn't think she's used to having her own man. That she's used to be somebody's woman on the side!

All the while he's talking I'm wondering why he's sharing this with me. After all I am the woman he was married to 4 years ago when there wasn't a faithful bone is his body. When I wanted him to spend time with me and OUR kids, he wanted us to go away. But with that last comment he made I couldn't help but wonder if it was possible that the woman he's currently married to could be the very woman he was cheating on me with!. Wouldn't that be some SH&T! I didn't even bother asking because it really doesn't matter. I have SOOOO moved on! Still, he had ALOT of nerve.

At the end of the day I had to treat myself to some laughs at a Father's Day comedy show. I needed the laugh :)

In  most cases I'm the one encouraging people to look to the brighter side of a situation, but you know, even I have my times of discouragement. And in those times it's usually my mother who is to me what I am to othesr. Like a lot of people, I'm upside in my mortgage. On top of that I NEED a bigger housee--notice the emphasis on "need". Right now I can't qualify for another mortgage on top of the one that I currently have. So where does that leave me--stuck! I absolutely hate that feeling. Here are the options I've considered: wait for my credit to improve, then apply for a second mortgage and rent my house; let my house go into foreclosure, then try to buy another house for cash; file bankruptcy, rent a house or apt and wait until I'm eligible to apply for another morgtage; stay put where I am and make it work for me.

Every option irks me for one reason or another. I absolutely DON'T want to be a landlord again, at least certainly not having a mortgage on the property. As far as waiting for my credit to improve, I don't know how long that's going to take and in the meantime I'm still stuck in my current house. Considering foreclosure makes nervous altogether because there seems to be no asurity that I won't be sought after years later for any monetary responsibility plus it just doesn't feel right to me. Lastly, renting is like a joke when you've been a home owner for nearly ten years IF you don't really have to go that route. Throwing money away is certainly option for me at this stage in my life. So where does that leave me?

Exactly in the place that my mother suggested to me today--my home. "You already have a home, Charmine. You just have to make it work until the situation changes," she says reassuringly. As she consoled me with this logic, I didn't want to agree aloud, but I knew she was right. My situation is not as bleak as I'd like to make it out to be. I'm a home owner. Sure I'd like more space, but as it currently stands I'm not in a position to buy a new house. And until I am I have to be greatful for what I have and I have to make the best of it.

Turning the Frown into a Smile

Here I go again. I've taken a vacation day from work and as good as I feel NOT being there, I'm almost just as, if not more, overwhelmed with my neglected domestic responsibilities! Seriously aggravating! I started off looking for my social security card, then I began putting away a heap of winter clothes (I think it's finally safe now) that's been growing in one of the corners of my bedroom. At the same time as this I'm washing summer clothes, looking for the container that contains my sandals AND making some spaghetti for dinner.

Side Note: Blogging, too!

And the bad thing about all of this is that the whole point of my taking the day off was to get some writing done on my upcoming novel. Even worse than that is that as I look around my house it doesn't appear as though I'm accomplishing anything and THAT really ticks me off.

But you know what, the pity party ends now! What Satan means for my bad God means for my good. So instead of looking at all that I'm not accomplishing, I'm going to look at the beauty of this day--literally and figuratively. It's absolutely georgeous outside. My kids are about to get out of school and we're in for a well-spent holiday weekend! And I will be writing this afternoon, so it's all good.

Yes! School's Almost Out

I don't express it aloud, but I'm just as happy as the kids are about the end of the school year quickly approaching. Although I'll still be working during the summer, since I didn't become a teacher like I should have, it'll be nice having my car to myself on the drive to work for a couple of months. Honestly, I won't be totally alone. My son will be going to day camp near my job, but he isn't nearly as disturbing as my teenage daughter and her friend who tags along for the ride. He won't complain about listening to talk radio in the morning. He's not going to ask to turn the radio off so he can tell me all of the plans he has that, by the way, are going to be funded by me. LOL. I've got at least another couple of years before he gets off into that. Hopefully:)

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter to pieces. Even more, I love her teenage excitement. It's just that as a single mom, I NEED some time alone every now and then. Since I don't have the benefit of an participating, non-custodial parent I have to treasure the little free time that I do get and that use to be my travel time to and from work. Therefore, I just may do that end of the school year barbeque my daughter requested of me. She just won't know that I'll be celebrating too!

Facebooking Your Teen

Although I've been my daugher's Facebook friend for about as long as she had her page, I don't visit it as often as I should. One would think that if your mom is your Facebook friend, one would consider that before each status update. Clearly, teens don't always use the good sense God gave them. When I needed to get a message to my daughter when her cell phone wasn't an option, Facebook was the next best thing because I knew she'd be checking her page shortly after she woke up this particular morning. Initially the message I was leaving only entailed her "to do" list for the day. However, after the things I'd come across on her page, it became necessary for me to advise her of some revisions she needed to make:

1.  Changing status from married to single! The chile' is 15 yrs old and has the nerve to be referring to herself as somebody's wife.

2. Just because you insert punctuation marks in place of a few letters in curse words, you're still cursing as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, she was pretty surprised that I was checking out her page and making her change stuff, but I explained to her that it's my job as her mom to make sure she's representing herself appropriately in every area of her life, even the World Wide Web. After that little experience, I decided to add her to my favorites on Facebook so I can keep up with her daily posts. Boy, the things a parent has to do!

Health Care Reform

I'm not a political blogger, but I couldn't very well allow the passage of the 1st Healthcare Reform Bill for the United States to occur without comment.On Monday morning, as I slowly came out of my sleep, the first thing I did was power on my iPhone to my email inbox and the first message was about the passage of the bill. I remember thinking, "Ok, cool." No big deal. Then I tuned into the news and immediatley learned how big of a deal it was. As of today, members of Congress have received threats against their lives in the form of phone calls, bricks being thrown through their windows. The brother of one Congressman--his address posted on a healthcare opposer's website-- even had a gas line to his home cut. This stuff is getting SERIOUS! I can't believe this hoopla is over such a humane effort as providing healthcare to ALL Americans. Of all the things we taxpayers have to pay for, healthcare for ALL Americans is one I'll gladly see come out of my paycheck.

Yesterday I almost suffered a relapse. If you've read any of my most recent posts you'll know that I recently decided to pull back from being a total DIY'er. I've signed up to have my certified Sisterloctian cousin begin maintaining my locs, my licensed esthetician cousin maintain my eyebrows, and a friend's nail technician perform my manicures & pedicures. Right?

Well, yesterday was my second appointment for my loc tightening. I set the appointment a week and a half ago, believing that Friday was the perfect day because it is the least likely day of the week that I have something to do. Long story short, this particular Friday didn't hold true to my rationale. The night before the appointment I learned that an activity that I really wanted to attend was happening the night of my evening appointment and my daughter had band practice after school, which would run directly in the middle of my hair appointment. Thing is, the new way that I'm having my locs maintained takes much longer than my twisting my locs. So, I was like immediately in a dilemma. My hair really couldn't stand being put on hold another week or two--well, it could have, BUT, I really didn't want it to. Also, the timing of my appointment and the time that my daughter would be finished practicing was in direct conflict. When I realized I was having all of these issues, I was trying to get in touch with my cousin to see how she could accomodate my needs HOWEVER I could not in touch with her. She wasn't answering her cell phone, house phone, or responding to my text. Naturally, the thought that kept floating around inside of my head was that none of this would be an issue if I was maintaining my own hair as I had been!!! As I frantically kept trying to reach my cousin, I fought those thoughts out of my head because I knew I made the right decision to stop relying on myself for everything. I DESERVED to have regular pampering sessions.

At the end of the day, everything worked out perfectly. I managed to reach my cousin, reschedule my appointment for earlier in the day--using some personal time off work, but it was worth it. My daughter's practice was cancelled and luckiliy my sister was in route from her job and was able to pick my daughter up on her way home. The earlier appointment time enabled me to be done much earlier than intended so I was able to attend that activity AND had a great time. Regardless of how well things worked out this time, my busy lifestyle is definitely indicative that this will not be the last time I will encounter such a schedule conflict. I'll just have to find a way to work around it then, too.

Yes, I am EVERY woman!

It took a long-standing good friend of mine to remind me of this fact--that I am every woman! I am a mother, I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a neice, I am a cousin, I am a friend, I am a best friend, I am an employee, I am a author, I am a financial planner, I am a homemaker, I am a romantic partner...As you can see this list could go on and on. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside looking in to remind us of how extraordinary w are!

TTYL, L.A. Jefferson

Take That, Chase!

I had to change my post because my payday has come & gone and I'm experiencing a different kind of joy from what I was going to post a few days ago. Before I was excited about what I'd planned to do. Today, I'm excited about what I've done. You see, I'm in a battle with my debt--one creditor in particular--JP Morgan Chase. Sometime in January, they sent me a warning letter that they were raising my interest rate to a astronomical rate of 29.99% Crazy, right? According to them, since I had paid them a few days late on two different occasions within a six month period, my punishment was a drastic decrease to my credit limit (by over 50%) and increasing my interest rate. Lucky for me, they gave me 2 billing cycles to adjust my budget for the seriously increased monthly payment. NOT! Well, if JP knew anything about me, they'd know I had absolutely NO intentions of allowing them to practically rob me. So what'd I do??? Without having to rob Pete to pay JP, I dipped into my special savings and put a hunk of cash on my balance. That was two weeks ago. Then when I got paid last Friday, I put 90% of my net pay towards the balance too! "Ha! Take that Chase!" I wish I could see the look on somebody's face with their organization when my balance decreased by nearly 50%. I've been struggling to get credit card debt free for over 10 years. Thank God,  I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Our Family Wedding

Loved it, loved it, loved it! Sure it was another remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, this time, featuring an African American man and a Mexican American woman. But it was still great. A wonderful celebration of brown skinned love! I loved Forest Whittaker's as the sexy, womanizing, single-father. I know I was byfar not the only person leaving the theater with love and marriage on my mind! Although I married the same man twice (more to come of that story in my 2nd novel Reconciliation to Hell), I never had the experience of the excitement of planning a wedding. Thank God I don't have a drama-hungry family so when I do plan my wedding, it will really be a joyful time. My previous marriage made me realize how important it is to REALLY celebrate the beginning of the marriage with a beautiful wedding, reception, and honeymoon because once that part is over, the REAL work begins.

Til next time,

L.A. Jefferson

An Important Note to Self

In church today I was really trying to focus on why I was there, but something really bothersome kept pulling my attention away. There was a young lady there who had a baby somewhere between 6-9 months ago AND her belly was smaller than mine! And I'm almost sure that she didn't come out of the hospital exercising and doing crunches! She was just blessed with better skin elasticity than me. While this distubrs me greatly, I'm learning to not focus on things that I have no control over and work on the things I do have control over--myself and what I put into and do with my body. So, right now I'm kind of bummed about the box of girl scout cookies that I ate today :( but I'm looking forward to the 100 jumping jacks, 5 minutes of running in place, and 20 push ups that I'll do before bed tonight.

One of my good friends often tells me of what one of her cousins tells her often. And that is that she MUST exercise everyday and watch her food intake to control her weight because she knows her body. She can't compare herself to others and that's how I need to be.

So note to self, "No more getting down about other women's small stomachs. And most important, you are beautiful AND sexy with a beautiful curvaceous body even with curves where you might not want them. You're just one hot mama!"

All Things Will Work for my Good

In this real estate market everybody and their mama has housing on their minds. Whether it's buying a first home, buying an investment property, trying to short sale ones current home in hopes of buying a better, but cheaper home, or, unfortunately, losing a home to foreclosure. No matter the situation, I've come to the understanding that if whatever you're hoping for to happen doesn't seem to be working out how you want it, you must know that God is going to work it out for your good. That is what HIS word says and I BELIEVE it!

I currently already own a home. When I purchased it almost 10 yrs ago it was perfect for myself and my daughter. Now I have a son too and would love another bedroom. Notice I didn't say need??? It's important to REALLY know the difference between wants and needs when making big decisions. Yes, a huge part of me feels that I need a 3BR home. Then there's another part of me that feels the need for the bigger home that I want is not worth the consequences of foreclosure or bankruptcy. I've worked too hard over the years to keep good credit to destroy it--even just for a few years--because I want what I want. It's important for me to do things the RIGHT way as much as possible. This is something that I've had to think long & hard about AND be prayerful about as well.

What I keep being led to realize is that, as unfortunate as it is for what I want, I am simply not in a financial situation to buy the bigger house that I want while I still own the one that I live in. But you know what? I AM in a financial situation to do some other things that I have on my plate. Those include remodeling my basement, decreasing my debt, increasing my savings, taking my children on a spring vacation, and promoting my self-published book, Unfinished Business.

How you view your circumstances is all about your attitude. Even when things aren't going the way you think they should, God may have something totally different in my mind for you. My advice is to make the best of whatever situation you're in and give God the glory!

Temporary Insanity

I take back everything back that I said in my previous post. And from here on in, whenever I feel frustrated about my locs instead of considering taking them out I'm simply going to make a quick stop to YouTube and check out some loc styling tutorials because that's usually what my problem is. As much as I love not HAVING to do something to my hair every morning, I still get tired of looking at the same 'ole same 'ole day in and day out. And what changes that besides styling options??? The thing with being still kind of new in this loc journey I have to get more creative with styling since I can no longer clip on a phony ponytail or pay the African hair braiders a billion gazillion dollars for some zillions.

So anyhow, the day after I posted my frustrations I was checking out YouTube and I was immediately rejuvenateda about my locs.

Will I, Won't I, If so, When?

Here we go again or should I say here I go again--contemplating changing my hair. The fact that I keep going back to the idea to take my locs down must mean it's what I really want to do. Of course, I realize that I usually feel this way when I'm feeling tired of looking at the same 'ole same 'ole. However, when I go through this and then do some different style to my hair, that solution is becoming less and less satisfying.

So, what's the worse that can happen, I'm asking myself, if I take my locs down? Will I immediately regret it? Will I feel a freedom on top of my head that I've been quietly longing for? If so, will that feeling evaporate the next morning as soon as I have to do more to my hair than take the scarf off of it???

Further, if I let the locs go, what will my hair styling options be? Trying to keep up natural hair styles is what led me to locs in the first place. One day twists, next day cute twist-out, the next day a less cute twist-out. Later that week straightened hair. My days prior to locs I felt like John Trivolta and Nicholas Cage in the movie Face Off. I was still me underneath, but I was someone else on the outside. Then I got to the point where I had to make a decision and I decided to do something that I had never done before. Now that I've done it, I'm kind of tired of it.

Vent Session

I make a point not to do this very often, but right now I feel like venting about everything under the sun, so just bare with me a few minutes.

1. I just want to take some scissors to my hair and clip these locs off and be done with them. I'm not saying I don't like my locks. From time to time I just get tired of them.

2. The bulge in my belly that this laptop I'm typing on is resting on just repulses me more often than not. It seems like I've been trying to get rid of it since I turned 20 yrs old--nearly 15 yrs ago! That is unacceptable. I'm wondering do I need to starve myself to lose this fat.

3. I'm tired of paying high insurance in the city of Detroit. Enough said on that!

4. I get really frustrated when I start a blog and then lose my train of thought so badly that I can't even complete--like what happened with the blog I was trying to compose when I switched to this one.

5. Lastly, the daily grind of daily living.

Okay, like I said, a few minutes of venting and I'm done.

Til next time,

L.A. Jefferson

Today was much more fun than I expected it to be. It's the last two days of the winter break for the kids. Usually I don't take any vacation days off since it's so early in the year but this time I was driven to do something different. While I couldn't do the entire week, I settled on these last two days. I promised the kids fun, not just hanging around the house. Not only did I want to do something fun, I wanted to do something outside of the box. My original intent was to go to a bounce house. That wasn't going to be much fun for my 14yr old but at least she'd be out of the house. Plus I was going to stop by a mall for her. She would have been happy. But things ended up working out even better than that.

The weather was more than decent for a February in Michigan so when my daughter suggested we go ice skating after our brunch, I surprised her with, not only an approval, but a follow through! Supporting one of my city's newest jewels, campus martius park. We had a great time! I had as much fun if not more than the kids! I want to go again, but it was just beautiful to have shared that experience with my kids.

A New Day

You'd never believe what I had planned for myself on this past Friday evening. A hair appointment! Yes, a hair appointment. What's so significant about this hair appointment as it compares to other sporadic ones that I've had over the last two years is that this one will be the first of many to come. After much consideration of how I take care of myself, I recently decided that I'm lacking considerably in the area of allowing myself simple indulgences that, quite frankly, I deserve. After all, I do go to work everyday. I provide a good life for myself and my children. But when the economy started going to hell I, like many Americans, began cutting back on spending. I won't get off into all the cut backs that I made, but I'll say among the cuts included my personal pampering spending. Back in the day I was at the salon every two weeks. In the summer I would get pedicures, sometimes manicures. I kept my eyebrows arched. Well, not anymore. I rationalized that those things were not important enough to spend money on, especially when I knew people who were doing these things for themselves. I figured I could too. That's what led me to become a DIY'er. Don't get me wrong, being a DIY'er has certainly had it's advantages, specifically monetarily, but it's also quite exhausting. Becoming a DIY'er made forget the importance of treating oneself. That's why there is a industry full of services: massages, nails, facials, hair salons, etc. So in essence I'm damaging the economy in part by taking away money from that industry. Therefore, I'm giving back. I've decided to have my locks interlocked. And, since I can't do that myself I'll be entrusting the care of my hair to my cousin,a professional loctician, who also happens to be my cousin. I'm starting with my hair, but in due time I'm going to start treating myself to monthly massages and pedicures. Matter of fact, I think I'll get a pedicure today :))

Redemption Feels So Good

Today I am redeemed as a mom. I was really on the ball! After work yesterday I stopped at CVS to get my kids some much needed supplies for school:index cards for my daughter's speech class, a lock for her gym class, and a new foler for my son's backpack :) Following that milestone, without my daughter having to remind a zillion times, I forked over the cash she needed for her gym uniform and I gave my son the cash he needed for his little Valentine's Day dance. I was early on the latter. It's not even due until next Friday. Like I said, I was on the ball! Yes, I rock!

Single Mommy Meltdown

This has been a morning that I just fell like crying. As me and the kids are getting ready in the morning, my son shows me that his backpack is empty--AGAIN. I say, "Where is your pencil box?" "I don't know," he responds carelessly. I sigh heavily following that expected response. What kind of mother was I, allowing my Kindergardener to go to school without his supplies. All I could think of was what my son's teacher was going to think of me because, naturally, the 5yr old is blameless.

Then on the way to school, with the empty backpack on my mind, I start thinking about my daughter having to stay after school until 6pm for Flag Corp practice. She attends school across the street from my job, which is 25 minutes from home, right? I get off work at 4PM. It would simply be insane for me to drive 25 minutes to get to my son only to have to drive back in approximately 60 minutes to be back in time to pick my daughter up. I couldn't help but consider not letting her participate on this team, but I knew that wouldn't be fair to her. So what that means is that 3 days per week I have to stay at work for an extra 2 hrs, twiddling my thumbs until she gets out of school.

For a split second I almost put in a phone call to my kids' father to see what assistance he could be, but I knew it was useless. In times like these, he always uses the same excuse he always does--he has to work. As if I don't, right?. But I'm always the one who has 100% of the responsibility of our children. I've been doing it for so long that it usually doesn't phase me--just an everyday part of my life. However, every now and then--like today--when my imperfections shine through, I feel so overwhelmed, but I know God has my back and won't let me mess up too much.

Workout Review

Okay, I took an extended weekend away from my exercise program. But on Tuesday, I got back to it. I was gungho about using my new Walk at Home Fitness video. So as soon as I got home, after I got my son started on his homework, of course, I popped the DVD in and got busy. What I love about this video is that it's progressional from 1 mile to 5 miles. Now, as I'm no beginner when it comes to fitness, I'd be doing myself a disservice if I only did a mile, so for starting out I completed 2 miles. The plan will be to increase 1 mile each month. That should get some of these newly formed rolls off of me.

The workout was great! I felt so accomplished. Afterwards, I ate a small bowl of spaghetti (unfortunately not with whole grain noodles, but I'm working on that). The problem came when it was time to go to bed. For the life of me, I could NOT sleep! And the longer I stayed up, the more hungry I became. Luckily, I didn't have any BAD food in the house or I would've been toast!

I've experienced this in the past and will modify my workout and diet. I'm sure the problem is that I didn't have a lot on my stomach before the workout so that's why I got hungry as the night went on. I'll fix that on the next go-round.

Working It Out in the New Year

Like most of America, I have made a New Year's resolution to shed some pounds in 2010. For me, however, this is a LIFETIME resolution--it has been for the last several years. But, I'm doing different for this year. I'm creating a workout plan more condusive to my lifestyle. Unlike two years ago both of my children are in school, the youngest being in Kindergarten so I can no longer hit the gym 3-4 days a week. Well, the last couple of weeks I got hip to the Exercise TV channel on my AT&T U-verse and I found my new best friend--Walk for Fitness! I absolutely love this routine. Basically, it's low impact aerobics with an emphasis on walking in place. I can definitely handle that. So much so that I've committed to doing the exercise no less than 4 days a week. And to make some use of my gym membership that expires at the end of the year, ideally, I'd like to hit the gym at least once a week, if not only just to enjoy the steam room and sauna.

I can't wait to see the pounds start dropping off!