Delegating Gone Good

It seemed like a fine idea from the onset. But the nights following the idea my nights were becoming quite tumultuous. You'd probably think I was pondering some life altering decision like getting married or relocating my family to another state. Nope, not so. What was weighing on my mind so heavily was whether or not to allow my ex-husband to attend our son's school field trip?

Whoa! Whoa! Before you pounce on me let me explain my position. Although I'm not a dead beat dad basher, in my posts you could probably still gather that I am of the single parent status. Ever since our divorce after our first child was born my ex has never been a hands on kind of father. Even after we reconciled, had a second child together and divorced again, he's never stepped up his game with being an involved parent though he promised he would. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. The extent of his parental involvement has been from his semi-regular financial support and the occasional fun outings when he is so gracious as to share his off days with his children.

So, anyway, it's the beginning of the school year AND the near end of the calendar year, which leads to the reason why I needed my ex to go on this field trip in the first place. I'M OUT OF VACATION TIME!!! While my ex is always screeching about how he doesn't get any time off from his job I've always taken note of how he's off whenever he needs to go to court and stuff so I've always known he could get a day off with advance notice so I decided to call him on it and lo and behold he said okay. From that moment on I started wondering if I'd done the right thing.

For starters, our son was NOT going to be happy about this change in the game plan. Sure, his grandfather had chaperoned one of his field trips in Pre-K, but it's always been mom at his side (not that he'd been on that many field trips but I'm the one who's always been there). The last thing he expected or wanted was his dad to be there. "Mom, he's going to embarrass me," were the words of my son when I told him his dad was going on the trip. I translated his comment into, "My dad is going to yelling at me and being mean and my friends are going to be laughing at me." I'm almost sure that's what he meant.

In the back of my mind I was hoping (praying on occasion) that my ex backed out then that way I could do what I had to do and go on the field trip. At the same time, however, I was steadily trying to convince myself that he had just as much of an obligation to use his personal time from work for his children. After all, where do you think the majority of my vacation time went: doctors' appts, dentists appts, parent-teacher conferences, and other school functions. So in essence, it was about time he was doing something and I needed to be glad for it.

The field trip was yesterday. And down to the wire my son tried to coax me into going with him even if his stand still went. He just wanted his mom :)) In the end, I was steadfast in letting dad do his due dilegence and when I saw my son when I got off work he looked just as happy as when I dropped him off at school. I was like, "Cool. He had a good time." Then he looked up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes and said, "Mommy, can you go on my next field trip please?"

Time Out for Excuses

At some point it simply becomes time to stop making excuses. Initially I was going to begin this blog entry with an insult that I felt was bestowed upon me by a loved one. However, the truth is that it wasn't an insult, it was the truth--a truth that was hard to take from this particular person. Often times I complain about being too busy to do a lot of domestic stuff like cook dinner regularly and keeping my house clean and in order. I work full time. I have two children. I'm involved in many different activities and always on the look out for more. But the plain 'ole truth is that I just don't feel like doing it.  I have the best intentions to prepare healthy meals for my family, but I honestly don't have the energy after I get through running around after work. As for the house, I want it clean--even feel deeply agitated on the inside when it's not clean BUT again, I feel zapped by the end of the work day and when Saturday--the one day I don't HAVE to get up early--it's pretty easy to do other stuff. I quietly wish I was wealthy enough to have a cleaning service do it all while I run all around town doing the things that I really want to do. Who wouldn't prefer to have someone else clean their house??? I mean, besides the compulsive types, of course. But reality --whether we like it or not--is that, as the woman of the house it's my responsibility to maintain a clean home and teach my children to do the same. Therefore, I'm not going to allow myself to feel insulted by the comments that were made, but instead I will allow them to motivate me to get my butt in gear!

Slow Down...Yeah Right!

To call me "busy" is almost an understatement. I'm a single mom of two and I'm involved in several different activities. I'm a regular volunteer of a public service organization, book club facilitator and membership coordinator of a local community service organization, I'm a member & PR Director of an employee based organization, and I'm a member of a local writer's group. In addition to the organizations that I'm apart of, I also do plenty of activities with my children. We spend time with my parents, we go on walks, we go skating, we go bowling, we go to the movies. I'm hoping by the end of summer that we get some bike riding on the list too now that I finally replaced my daughter's bike. Anyway, between my organizations' activities and meetings and my activities with my children, there seems to be no time to just relax!

Now, maybe you're thinking, "Nobody told you to spread yourself so thin..." You're absolutely right. But you know what, now that I've started I don't know how to stop.

Perfect Timing

There's a saying that most Christains know very well. It goes something like, "God may not come when you want him, BUT He's always comes on time." I can certainly attest to that on many levels. However, more recently, this past week I was really feeling the need for a getaway. I needed some time just for me. Not me and the kids. Not me and my mom. Not me and and anybody else. Well, after some plans that I was trying to make fell through I turned my mind to look forward to the next best thing--a quiet weekend at home with the kids. I figured I'd give them something they'd been looking forward to first, then maybe they'd be cool with spending Saturday at home, you know, without pestering me about when we were going to go somewhere. So, I took them to see the new released movie they both wanted to see, "Dispicable Me." Much to the delight of my son, I even let my nephew tag along. Cool auntie, right :) Anyway, they got what they wanted on Friday and I got what I wanted on Saturday PLUS a bonus! My morning began with a brisk walk. When I got home, I put the children to work cleaning the house. In thd midst of our (mainly her) cleaning, my daughter and I were entertained with Lifetime Movie Network movies. It was shaping up to be a very relaxed and quiet afternoon. Out of nowhere my sister calls me up and asks if my daughter could come over to her house to braid her hair (yep, my baby's got skills!) and of course I said yes and insisted that my son tag along to so he could play with his little cousins. It only made sense. And just like that I got a few hours to myself--all to myself! So, even though I thought I needed an entire weekend to myself, God saw fit to give me a few hours and I couldn't have been more greatful!

The Nerve of Some People

When I awoke to a missed call on Father's Day morning from my ex-husband, a.k.a. my children's father, I figured that maybe he was calling to let me know that he was FINALLY going to give me some child support--smack in the forehead! What was I thinking??? It's only been about 4 months since he's provided some financial support. But, no. He was calling at 10AM to find out why his kids hadn't called him to wish him a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!! Now, fellas, PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am by no means saying that he shouldn't expect his children to honor him on this day because he hasn't paid any child support. The thing is, not only is he not helping financially he also doesn't make a point to have any physical presence in his children's lives. He doesn't even do that when he does pay child support. Then, to make matters worse he goes into telling me the status of his failing marriage. He and his wife have been separated for about 4-5 months. Side note: they haven't even been married a year! According to him, she doesn't make time for him. She give him no attention. All she care about are her kids. The only thing she seems to want from him is sex and money. He can't stand that he gave his heart to her. The comment that sent me over the edge was when he said he doesn't think she's used to having her own man. That she's used to be somebody's woman on the side!

All the while he's talking I'm wondering why he's sharing this with me. After all I am the woman he was married to 4 years ago when there wasn't a faithful bone is his body. When I wanted him to spend time with me and OUR kids, he wanted us to go away. But with that last comment he made I couldn't help but wonder if it was possible that the woman he's currently married to could be the very woman he was cheating on me with!. Wouldn't that be some SH&T! I didn't even bother asking because it really doesn't matter. I have SOOOO moved on! Still, he had ALOT of nerve.

At the end of the day I had to treat myself to some laughs at a Father's Day comedy show. I needed the laugh :)

In  most cases I'm the one encouraging people to look to the brighter side of a situation, but you know, even I have my times of discouragement. And in those times it's usually my mother who is to me what I am to othesr. Like a lot of people, I'm upside in my mortgage. On top of that I NEED a bigger housee--notice the emphasis on "need". Right now I can't qualify for another mortgage on top of the one that I currently have. So where does that leave me--stuck! I absolutely hate that feeling. Here are the options I've considered: wait for my credit to improve, then apply for a second mortgage and rent my house; let my house go into foreclosure, then try to buy another house for cash; file bankruptcy, rent a house or apt and wait until I'm eligible to apply for another morgtage; stay put where I am and make it work for me.

Every option irks me for one reason or another. I absolutely DON'T want to be a landlord again, at least certainly not having a mortgage on the property. As far as waiting for my credit to improve, I don't know how long that's going to take and in the meantime I'm still stuck in my current house. Considering foreclosure makes nervous altogether because there seems to be no asurity that I won't be sought after years later for any monetary responsibility plus it just doesn't feel right to me. Lastly, renting is like a joke when you've been a home owner for nearly ten years IF you don't really have to go that route. Throwing money away is certainly option for me at this stage in my life. So where does that leave me?

Exactly in the place that my mother suggested to me today--my home. "You already have a home, Charmine. You just have to make it work until the situation changes," she says reassuringly. As she consoled me with this logic, I didn't want to agree aloud, but I knew she was right. My situation is not as bleak as I'd like to make it out to be. I'm a home owner. Sure I'd like more space, but as it currently stands I'm not in a position to buy a new house. And until I am I have to be greatful for what I have and I have to make the best of it.

Turning the Frown into a Smile

Here I go again. I've taken a vacation day from work and as good as I feel NOT being there, I'm almost just as, if not more, overwhelmed with my neglected domestic responsibilities! Seriously aggravating! I started off looking for my social security card, then I began putting away a heap of winter clothes (I think it's finally safe now) that's been growing in one of the corners of my bedroom. At the same time as this I'm washing summer clothes, looking for the container that contains my sandals AND making some spaghetti for dinner.

Side Note: Blogging, too!

And the bad thing about all of this is that the whole point of my taking the day off was to get some writing done on my upcoming novel. Even worse than that is that as I look around my house it doesn't appear as though I'm accomplishing anything and THAT really ticks me off.

But you know what, the pity party ends now! What Satan means for my bad God means for my good. So instead of looking at all that I'm not accomplishing, I'm going to look at the beauty of this day--literally and figuratively. It's absolutely georgeous outside. My kids are about to get out of school and we're in for a well-spent holiday weekend! And I will be writing this afternoon, so it's all good.