Will I, Won't I, If so, When?

Here we go again or should I say here I go again--contemplating changing my hair. The fact that I keep going back to the idea to take my locs down must mean it's what I really want to do. Of course, I realize that I usually feel this way when I'm feeling tired of looking at the same 'ole same 'ole. However, when I go through this and then do some different style to my hair, that solution is becoming less and less satisfying.

So, what's the worse that can happen, I'm asking myself, if I take my locs down? Will I immediately regret it? Will I feel a freedom on top of my head that I've been quietly longing for? If so, will that feeling evaporate the next morning as soon as I have to do more to my hair than take the scarf off of it???

Further, if I let the locs go, what will my hair styling options be? Trying to keep up natural hair styles is what led me to locs in the first place. One day twists, next day cute twist-out, the next day a less cute twist-out. Later that week straightened hair. My days prior to locs I felt like John Trivolta and Nicholas Cage in the movie Face Off. I was still me underneath, but I was someone else on the outside. Then I got to the point where I had to make a decision and I decided to do something that I had never done before. Now that I've done it, I'm kind of tired of it.

Vent Session

I make a point not to do this very often, but right now I feel like venting about everything under the sun, so just bare with me a few minutes.

1. I just want to take some scissors to my hair and clip these locs off and be done with them. I'm not saying I don't like my locks. From time to time I just get tired of them.

2. The bulge in my belly that this laptop I'm typing on is resting on just repulses me more often than not. It seems like I've been trying to get rid of it since I turned 20 yrs old--nearly 15 yrs ago! That is unacceptable. I'm wondering do I need to starve myself to lose this fat.

3. I'm tired of paying high insurance in the city of Detroit. Enough said on that!

4. I get really frustrated when I start a blog and then lose my train of thought so badly that I can't even complete--like what happened with the blog I was trying to compose when I switched to this one.

5. Lastly, the daily grind of daily living.

Okay, like I said, a few minutes of venting and I'm done.

Til next time,

L.A. Jefferson

Today was much more fun than I expected it to be. It's the last two days of the winter break for the kids. Usually I don't take any vacation days off since it's so early in the year but this time I was driven to do something different. While I couldn't do the entire week, I settled on these last two days. I promised the kids fun, not just hanging around the house. Not only did I want to do something fun, I wanted to do something outside of the box. My original intent was to go to a bounce house. That wasn't going to be much fun for my 14yr old but at least she'd be out of the house. Plus I was going to stop by a mall for her. She would have been happy. But things ended up working out even better than that.

The weather was more than decent for a February in Michigan so when my daughter suggested we go ice skating after our brunch, I surprised her with, not only an approval, but a follow through! Supporting one of my city's newest jewels, campus martius park. We had a great time! I had as much fun if not more than the kids! I want to go again, but it was just beautiful to have shared that experience with my kids.

A New Day

You'd never believe what I had planned for myself on this past Friday evening. A hair appointment! Yes, a hair appointment. What's so significant about this hair appointment as it compares to other sporadic ones that I've had over the last two years is that this one will be the first of many to come. After much consideration of how I take care of myself, I recently decided that I'm lacking considerably in the area of allowing myself simple indulgences that, quite frankly, I deserve. After all, I do go to work everyday. I provide a good life for myself and my children. But when the economy started going to hell I, like many Americans, began cutting back on spending. I won't get off into all the cut backs that I made, but I'll say among the cuts included my personal pampering spending. Back in the day I was at the salon every two weeks. In the summer I would get pedicures, sometimes manicures. I kept my eyebrows arched. Well, not anymore. I rationalized that those things were not important enough to spend money on, especially when I knew people who were doing these things for themselves. I figured I could too. That's what led me to become a DIY'er. Don't get me wrong, being a DIY'er has certainly had it's advantages, specifically monetarily, but it's also quite exhausting. Becoming a DIY'er made forget the importance of treating oneself. That's why there is a industry full of services: massages, nails, facials, hair salons, etc. So in essence I'm damaging the economy in part by taking away money from that industry. Therefore, I'm giving back. I've decided to have my locks interlocked. And, since I can't do that myself I'll be entrusting the care of my hair to my cousin,a professional loctician, who also happens to be my cousin. I'm starting with my hair, but in due time I'm going to start treating myself to monthly massages and pedicures. Matter of fact, I think I'll get a pedicure today :))

Redemption Feels So Good

Today I am redeemed as a mom. I was really on the ball! After work yesterday I stopped at CVS to get my kids some much needed supplies for school:index cards for my daughter's speech class, a lock for her gym class, and a new foler for my son's backpack :) Following that milestone, without my daughter having to remind a zillion times, I forked over the cash she needed for her gym uniform and I gave my son the cash he needed for his little Valentine's Day dance. I was early on the latter. It's not even due until next Friday. Like I said, I was on the ball! Yes, I rock!

Single Mommy Meltdown

This has been a morning that I just fell like crying. As me and the kids are getting ready in the morning, my son shows me that his backpack is empty--AGAIN. I say, "Where is your pencil box?" "I don't know," he responds carelessly. I sigh heavily following that expected response. What kind of mother was I, allowing my Kindergardener to go to school without his supplies. All I could think of was what my son's teacher was going to think of me because, naturally, the 5yr old is blameless.

Then on the way to school, with the empty backpack on my mind, I start thinking about my daughter having to stay after school until 6pm for Flag Corp practice. She attends school across the street from my job, which is 25 minutes from home, right? I get off work at 4PM. It would simply be insane for me to drive 25 minutes to get to my son only to have to drive back in approximately 60 minutes to be back in time to pick my daughter up. I couldn't help but consider not letting her participate on this team, but I knew that wouldn't be fair to her. So what that means is that 3 days per week I have to stay at work for an extra 2 hrs, twiddling my thumbs until she gets out of school.

For a split second I almost put in a phone call to my kids' father to see what assistance he could be, but I knew it was useless. In times like these, he always uses the same excuse he always does--he has to work. As if I don't, right?. But I'm always the one who has 100% of the responsibility of our children. I've been doing it for so long that it usually doesn't phase me--just an everyday part of my life. However, every now and then--like today--when my imperfections shine through, I feel so overwhelmed, but I know God has my back and won't let me mess up too much.

Workout Review

Okay, I took an extended weekend away from my exercise program. But on Tuesday, I got back to it. I was gungho about using my new Walk at Home Fitness video. So as soon as I got home, after I got my son started on his homework, of course, I popped the DVD in and got busy. What I love about this video is that it's progressional from 1 mile to 5 miles. Now, as I'm no beginner when it comes to fitness, I'd be doing myself a disservice if I only did a mile, so for starting out I completed 2 miles. The plan will be to increase 1 mile each month. That should get some of these newly formed rolls off of me.

The workout was great! I felt so accomplished. Afterwards, I ate a small bowl of spaghetti (unfortunately not with whole grain noodles, but I'm working on that). The problem came when it was time to go to bed. For the life of me, I could NOT sleep! And the longer I stayed up, the more hungry I became. Luckily, I didn't have any BAD food in the house or I would've been toast!

I've experienced this in the past and will modify my workout and diet. I'm sure the problem is that I didn't have a lot on my stomach before the workout so that's why I got hungry as the night went on. I'll fix that on the next go-round.