I hope this doesn't sound crazy, but I was somewhat comforted when a friend of mine expressed her lack of close female friends to hang out with because I, too, lack in that area. Don't get me wrong. I'm not totally friendless. No need for any tears to be shed over the matter. It's just that the friendships that I have aren't always what I want them to be. We don't talk enough. Or when we do, the conversations are not deep enough. We definitely don't hang out enough. We don't laugh enough together. We don't cry enough together.
I want "Waiting to Exhale" and "Sex in the City" kind of friendships. I want friends who are friends not just in name only, but in action as well. And I'm sure that's what my girlfriend is looking for too.
My friend went on to express how dull her life is because the few women she's friends with are either married, married with children, or single with children. So, she pretty much resigns herself to work and home.
Now that, I can't imagine. The way I see it is you have to put some effort into what you want your life to be. And that's in every aspect whether it's work, school, friends, family, or relationships. You can't sit idly by, expecting meaningful relationships and friendships, or fulfilling career to simply drop in your lap. Boy, if only it were that easy!
So for my friend and myself, where new friendships don't happen often, it's important to nurture the friends that we have. Just because your a friend is married or has children doesn't mean she can't be a friend anymore. Sure, her availability may change, but there will be times for some togetherness. Continue to nurture the friendship with regular phone calls, an occasional visit, and don't give up inviting the friend out from time to time. Although you may get more "I can't" answers than "I can" answers, the effort you put forth will be worth it in the end.
To be on the safe side, nurture multiple friendships simultaneously. You can't have all you eggs in one basket. Yes, even with our girlfriends, this is not wise. When one can't come through, the other possibly will.
But most importantly: GET A LIFE!
Life doesn't begin with children. Life doesn't begin with a spouse or a boyfriend. Life is right now, wherever you are. Don't waste it waiting for certain aspects to be just the way you want them. So until your friends get on your page, or until the right (whatever that is) man comes along, "do you." Get a hobby. Take some classes at a local community college. Join an organization. Do community service. For God's sake, do something more than sulk!
Before you know it, your time is up.
R.I.P. Michael Jackson 1958-2009 (added 6/26/09)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
They Won't Always be Small
Here it is a Saturday night--technically Sunday morning-- and I'm sitting in my bed on the Net instead of getting my dance on at two parties I was invited to. While it's not so much that I just to go to either of these parties, but simply that it would be nice to have been able to without taking my kids to my parents house. After all, the do have a father. A father, who during our divorce two years ago, claimed that he wanted joint physical custody of our children. Well, since those proceedings he's done nothing but prove me right in my belief that he wasn't "for real" about his request. Unfortunately, it was also during those proceedings that our children spent a night with their dad. His loss!
It's a good thing that I accepted my sole responsibility for my children a long time ago. So when these seldom times occur, when I long for the kids to have another home with their dad every other weekend, I just remember what my mom told me her mother told her--"Your children won't always be small." How comforting? What's really comforting is that I'm almost there. With a 14 yr old and a 5 yr old, in another year or so, I won't be having this issue.
Now I'm off to bed.
It's a good thing that I accepted my sole responsibility for my children a long time ago. So when these seldom times occur, when I long for the kids to have another home with their dad every other weekend, I just remember what my mom told me her mother told her--"Your children won't always be small." How comforting? What's really comforting is that I'm almost there. With a 14 yr old and a 5 yr old, in another year or so, I won't be having this issue.
Now I'm off to bed.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Congrats Graduates
Next to Christmas, the current season has to be my next favorite time of the year. Not only because summer is finally here in Michigan, but it's graduation season.
This year I've had the privilege of having quite a few honories in my personal circle. My mom graduating from our local community college, something she never thought she'd do. My daughter graduating (correction, "being promoted") from middle school. My son completing pre-K. Such exciting times for these graduates. And last but not least, my two step daughters--one graduating from middle school and the other from high school
My emotions really get the best of me during graduation ceremonies. Just yesterday at my daughter's ceremony and a couple of days ago at my mom's, tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I scanned the room of smiling graduates as they walked that precessional walk down the aisle to their seats. All eyes on them. Their moment to shine. Their moment to say, "Yes, I did it!"
They did, indeed, do it. At my son's pre-K celebration, they did it! The little boys and little girls, many of whom had never been in a educational environment before that first day, learned to follow direction from another adult. They learned the importance of sharing. They learned that everything didn't revolve around them. They learned to adapt to a schedule away from home. And one of their biggest lessons, as they move on to Kindergarden in the fall will be that many of the people they meet in this world will only be in their life for a season as they go on to meet new kids, in new schools.
The middle school kids going to high school did it, too! Goodness, I can't even get into the hurdles these kids overcame during these puberty years. But even through puberty, the ups and downs of friendships during those years, the introduction to boyfriends and girlfriends, they made it to the end of that road. And my daighter did it with honors. Now they excitedly look toward their high school years which will bring about even more new and exciting challenges.
My mom and other graduates like her of various ages did it too! The beauty of community college is that some of everybody is there. Recent high school graduates who chose to induce a less stringent transition into college life or who maybe needed to improve their GPA before applying to a 4yr university. There's the student who desires to switch careers and take advantage of the lower cost of tuition by taking general education courses to transfer later on. Then there's the students like my mom. For years, they feared higher education. Not thinking they could measure up. But lo' and behold after taking one class after the next, after the next, by the grace of God (and a little homework help from their kids & grandkids), they find themselves walking across the stage, a confident and degreed individual.
How good is my God? Congrats to the graduates of 2009 and best wishes in all you pursue!
This year I've had the privilege of having quite a few honories in my personal circle. My mom graduating from our local community college, something she never thought she'd do. My daughter graduating (correction, "being promoted") from middle school. My son completing pre-K. Such exciting times for these graduates. And last but not least, my two step daughters--one graduating from middle school and the other from high school
My emotions really get the best of me during graduation ceremonies. Just yesterday at my daughter's ceremony and a couple of days ago at my mom's, tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I scanned the room of smiling graduates as they walked that precessional walk down the aisle to their seats. All eyes on them. Their moment to shine. Their moment to say, "Yes, I did it!"
They did, indeed, do it. At my son's pre-K celebration, they did it! The little boys and little girls, many of whom had never been in a educational environment before that first day, learned to follow direction from another adult. They learned the importance of sharing. They learned that everything didn't revolve around them. They learned to adapt to a schedule away from home. And one of their biggest lessons, as they move on to Kindergarden in the fall will be that many of the people they meet in this world will only be in their life for a season as they go on to meet new kids, in new schools.
The middle school kids going to high school did it, too! Goodness, I can't even get into the hurdles these kids overcame during these puberty years. But even through puberty, the ups and downs of friendships during those years, the introduction to boyfriends and girlfriends, they made it to the end of that road. And my daighter did it with honors. Now they excitedly look toward their high school years which will bring about even more new and exciting challenges.
My mom and other graduates like her of various ages did it too! The beauty of community college is that some of everybody is there. Recent high school graduates who chose to induce a less stringent transition into college life or who maybe needed to improve their GPA before applying to a 4yr university. There's the student who desires to switch careers and take advantage of the lower cost of tuition by taking general education courses to transfer later on. Then there's the students like my mom. For years, they feared higher education. Not thinking they could measure up. But lo' and behold after taking one class after the next, after the next, by the grace of God (and a little homework help from their kids & grandkids), they find themselves walking across the stage, a confident and degreed individual.
How good is my God? Congrats to the graduates of 2009 and best wishes in all you pursue!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Living without Boundaries
My sister was jokingly talking about her husband possibly having a case of AADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder) because he just seems to be all over the board when it comes to what profession he's in pursuit of--finance, retail, teaching, or ministry. What's funny is that as she was talking, I couldn't help but think to myself, "That sounds a lot like me!"
If you ask me, besides writing--the only constant in my life--I'm all over the board with my interest. The fact that I have a undergraduate and graduate degree in business administration, I feel compelled to pursue a management position in the company that I've been working for over the last 10yrs. However, more recently, I've been considering a different avenue altogether--teaching.
High school teacher. Community college teacher. University teacher. Those are my options. With the exception of community college (if I remain in the business field), the transition would require additional education on my part. I could either pusue secondary education certification for business to teach high school or a doctoral program to teach at a university.
Then I face the question, do I really want to teach--on any level? The question requires serious thought. The last thing I want to do is spend time advancing my education, only to decide it's not the path that I really want.
Optimally, I would love to get an advanced degree in creative writing and teach that. That would be awesome!
My life motto is "As long as you still have breath, there's still time." So the way I see it is as long as God grants me days on this Earth, I'm gonna spend each of those days trying to get it right on EVERY aspect of my life. While some may call it AADD or just plain 'ole wishy washy, I'm never going to stop trying to find that right balance for my life. And I'd encourage everyone to do the same. There's only a small percentage of people who automatically know what they want to do with their life. For those of who weren't so fortunate, we just have to keep searching until that final curtain call.
If you ask me, besides writing--the only constant in my life--I'm all over the board with my interest. The fact that I have a undergraduate and graduate degree in business administration, I feel compelled to pursue a management position in the company that I've been working for over the last 10yrs. However, more recently, I've been considering a different avenue altogether--teaching.
High school teacher. Community college teacher. University teacher. Those are my options. With the exception of community college (if I remain in the business field), the transition would require additional education on my part. I could either pusue secondary education certification for business to teach high school or a doctoral program to teach at a university.
Then I face the question, do I really want to teach--on any level? The question requires serious thought. The last thing I want to do is spend time advancing my education, only to decide it's not the path that I really want.
Optimally, I would love to get an advanced degree in creative writing and teach that. That would be awesome!
My life motto is "As long as you still have breath, there's still time." So the way I see it is as long as God grants me days on this Earth, I'm gonna spend each of those days trying to get it right on EVERY aspect of my life. While some may call it AADD or just plain 'ole wishy washy, I'm never going to stop trying to find that right balance for my life. And I'd encourage everyone to do the same. There's only a small percentage of people who automatically know what they want to do with their life. For those of who weren't so fortunate, we just have to keep searching until that final curtain call.
Friday, May 15, 2009
So What Now
This past Monday was the last session of the Weight Watchers program I participated in for the past 12 weeks. I wasn't as successful as I'd hoped--losing only 5 lbs--but I emerged with some important revelations as it pertains to my weight loss goals.
For starters, I've been on this journey since I gave birth to my first child fourteen years ago. Lucky for me, my weight loss battle has never involved a significant amount of weight to lose--never more than 20 lbs, and that's being generous. I gave up a long time ago of trying to regain my prepregnancy weight, which would have been my high school weight of a mere buck oh five. So, probably about five years into it, I decided that all I really wanted was to trim the fat off of my belly. Hence came my REAL problem.
In my mind, since I only had one part of my body that I wanted to change, I didn't feel like I needed to make that many changes. I was no stranger to exercise, having the best example with my dad, and avid jogger and bicyclist my whole life. While not athletic, I'd always been a walker, plus every now and then I'd do sculpting exercises like bicep curls, pushups, situps, etc.
After tweaking my diet as much as I thought I needed and exercising, most times consistently, but not always so, I didn't yield the desired results. This made me angry. It was extremely frustrating for me to witness others who didn't appear to be working as hard as me have the body that I so desired. They would still eat pizza, burgers & fries, desserts,etc. But it was like, when I did those things (admittedly more often than I should've), my body and self-esteem suffered.
The most important thing I learned from the Weight Watcher program was that I'm doing great if I want to stay where I am. I'm moderately active--taking brisk walks around the neighborhood and walking over my lunch during the week. I even have a gym membership so I can go there when weather doesn't permit outside exercise. I also learned that my biggest weakness is lack of preparation for evening meals. During the program, I would lose weight when I planned ahead for meals. I would gain that same weight back the following week when I didn't. Up and down. Up and down.
What I know is that I don't want to enslave myself to anyone's gym. I have way too much going on with my children, their activities, and my own activities. Plus I'd prefer to get my exercise by doing just what I've been doing and other activities that include my family (bike riding, skating, walking, playing badmitton, etc.) I'm more about having fun and staying fit.
Where does that leave me? Well, I still have dreams of a better looking belly. But now I have time working against me. I'm only a couple of years away from 35. And for women, that's about the time when weight loss gets extremely difficult because of a quickly declining metabolism. However, I'm no quitter. Now that I'm comfortable on my stance of exercising, I can more fully concentrate on my diet.
So Weight Watchers, here I come again.
For starters, I've been on this journey since I gave birth to my first child fourteen years ago. Lucky for me, my weight loss battle has never involved a significant amount of weight to lose--never more than 20 lbs, and that's being generous. I gave up a long time ago of trying to regain my prepregnancy weight, which would have been my high school weight of a mere buck oh five. So, probably about five years into it, I decided that all I really wanted was to trim the fat off of my belly. Hence came my REAL problem.
In my mind, since I only had one part of my body that I wanted to change, I didn't feel like I needed to make that many changes. I was no stranger to exercise, having the best example with my dad, and avid jogger and bicyclist my whole life. While not athletic, I'd always been a walker, plus every now and then I'd do sculpting exercises like bicep curls, pushups, situps, etc.
After tweaking my diet as much as I thought I needed and exercising, most times consistently, but not always so, I didn't yield the desired results. This made me angry. It was extremely frustrating for me to witness others who didn't appear to be working as hard as me have the body that I so desired. They would still eat pizza, burgers & fries, desserts,etc. But it was like, when I did those things (admittedly more often than I should've), my body and self-esteem suffered.
The most important thing I learned from the Weight Watcher program was that I'm doing great if I want to stay where I am. I'm moderately active--taking brisk walks around the neighborhood and walking over my lunch during the week. I even have a gym membership so I can go there when weather doesn't permit outside exercise. I also learned that my biggest weakness is lack of preparation for evening meals. During the program, I would lose weight when I planned ahead for meals. I would gain that same weight back the following week when I didn't. Up and down. Up and down.
What I know is that I don't want to enslave myself to anyone's gym. I have way too much going on with my children, their activities, and my own activities. Plus I'd prefer to get my exercise by doing just what I've been doing and other activities that include my family (bike riding, skating, walking, playing badmitton, etc.) I'm more about having fun and staying fit.
Where does that leave me? Well, I still have dreams of a better looking belly. But now I have time working against me. I'm only a couple of years away from 35. And for women, that's about the time when weight loss gets extremely difficult because of a quickly declining metabolism. However, I'm no quitter. Now that I'm comfortable on my stance of exercising, I can more fully concentrate on my diet.
So Weight Watchers, here I come again.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
If Not for Mother's Day
Unfortunately my Mother's Day weekend didn't get off to the greatest start. Something I ate didn't agree with my stomach and it became clear at approximately 4 o'clock in the morning when I awoke with terrible stomach cramps. Still, about six hours later I tried to trek on to work to take advantage of infrequently offered overtime. But the closer I got to my job, although mildly improved, my crampy stomach told me I wouldn't be able to concentrate on much else. So, regrettfully I turned around to go back home. Then I had a epiphany! As far as anyone knew, I was gonna be at work for the next four hours. So I figured this was the best opportunity for a little "me" time.
While quietly suffering, I preceded to treat myself to a much needed and well deserved pedicure, followed by my favorite meal of the day--breakfast(albeit I was unable to enjoy it). Had it not been Mother's Day, I would've taken my behind home, but something just didn't seem right about not having some time to myself to do things for myself that I deserve and enjoy.
I really appreciate the opportunity that Mother's Day affords me. Although I know plenty of moms who treat themselves to pedicures, manicures, facials, etc on a regular basis, I have not been apart of that circle in a few years now. Since returning to single mom status a couple of years ago, I was forced to readjust my financial priorities to, not only accomplish some short-term goals, but also to continue the pattern of saving that I managed to establish being married. With that came less trips to the hair salon, only seasonal pedicures, no manicures, and no major wardrobe upgrades for myself. I committed myself to spending regularly for the children's needs and only as needed or for special occassions for myself.
As mothers, we know that our children always need one thing or another. Whether its lunch money, field trip money, money for hanging out w/friends, socks, undies, and the list goes on and on. Well Mother's Day (and my birthday) are the only times of the year when I can, with a clear conscience, declare that the only spending that I'll be doing will be on ME.
So, until the children are completely self-sufficient (whenever that is), whether rain, sleet, snow, or stomach ache, I will continue to set aside Mother's Day to treat myself to a little luxury.
While quietly suffering, I preceded to treat myself to a much needed and well deserved pedicure, followed by my favorite meal of the day--breakfast(albeit I was unable to enjoy it). Had it not been Mother's Day, I would've taken my behind home, but something just didn't seem right about not having some time to myself to do things for myself that I deserve and enjoy.
I really appreciate the opportunity that Mother's Day affords me. Although I know plenty of moms who treat themselves to pedicures, manicures, facials, etc on a regular basis, I have not been apart of that circle in a few years now. Since returning to single mom status a couple of years ago, I was forced to readjust my financial priorities to, not only accomplish some short-term goals, but also to continue the pattern of saving that I managed to establish being married. With that came less trips to the hair salon, only seasonal pedicures, no manicures, and no major wardrobe upgrades for myself. I committed myself to spending regularly for the children's needs and only as needed or for special occassions for myself.
As mothers, we know that our children always need one thing or another. Whether its lunch money, field trip money, money for hanging out w/friends, socks, undies, and the list goes on and on. Well Mother's Day (and my birthday) are the only times of the year when I can, with a clear conscience, declare that the only spending that I'll be doing will be on ME.
So, until the children are completely self-sufficient (whenever that is), whether rain, sleet, snow, or stomach ache, I will continue to set aside Mother's Day to treat myself to a little luxury.
Friday, May 8, 2009
A New Day Has Begun
Two important things occured in the special election on May 5, 2009. Of the 15% of registered voters, it was clear that the Detroiters who really care about this city don't want anymore of the same. We just got rid of one arrogant mayor, who put himself above the interest of the city--we didn't need another one with Ken Cockrel Jr. And while I question what Mayor-elect Dave Bing can accomplish in the short seven month stint of his term, his election to office still signifies the change Detroiters need and want.
The second important occurence in the special elections is the decision to revise the city charter. Who will revise is it, I'm not sure. But the fact that it's going to be revised is a great start. One of the first revisions should be an amendment to this entire special election process. If there is 18 months or less for the vacating mayoral position, then the interim mayor should serve the rest of the term. That makes a lot more sense than spending all of the money that has been spent so someone can be in office for a little over 6 months, only to have to run again for a full term.
While the process has been crazy, it's well worth it for a new leader of the city to have emerged. Having fresh blood take the reins of the city gives Detroiters hope that we will finally move in the direction that the well-intentioned, but entirely too arrogant and immature, former Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick envisioned for our city.
Now we can look forward to the major election in November and get a clean slate on City Counsel.
The second important occurence in the special elections is the decision to revise the city charter. Who will revise is it, I'm not sure. But the fact that it's going to be revised is a great start. One of the first revisions should be an amendment to this entire special election process. If there is 18 months or less for the vacating mayoral position, then the interim mayor should serve the rest of the term. That makes a lot more sense than spending all of the money that has been spent so someone can be in office for a little over 6 months, only to have to run again for a full term.
While the process has been crazy, it's well worth it for a new leader of the city to have emerged. Having fresh blood take the reins of the city gives Detroiters hope that we will finally move in the direction that the well-intentioned, but entirely too arrogant and immature, former Mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick envisioned for our city.
Now we can look forward to the major election in November and get a clean slate on City Counsel.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
