"What have you been up to?"

How do you really answer that question? Usually I respond with something along the lines of same 'ole same 'ole. Any other response would surely illicit the respond, "TMI" from the requestor. Or at least I think so.

If someone really wants to know what I've been up they would learn that I'm trying to finish a book I've been reading since the beginning of January. I'm trying to pay my bills ON TIME every month to increase my credit score so that I can be approved for a mortgage loan. I'm passively planning my daughter's upcoming 16th birthday celebration. I'm blogging and promoting my book, Unfinished Business. On top of all of that I'm consciencely making efforts to keep my house clean and in order. Oh and need I mention that I have two children in school--one a six year old who I have to help with homework and read to or have reading every evening.

See how much stuff I have going on? And there's so much I didn't even bother to mention. Who really wants to hear all of that? Nobody. Therefore, "Same 'ole, same 'ole" will continue to be my response.

How do you answer that question?

Work What You've Got

I hope this doesn't sound crazy, but I was somewhat comforted when a friend of mine expressed her lack of close female friends to hang out with because I, too, lack in that area. Don't get me wrong. I'm not totally friendless. No need for any tears to be shed over the matter. It's just that the friendships that I have aren't always what I want them to be. We don't talk enough. Or when we do, the conversations are not deep enough. We definitely don't hang out enough. We don't laugh enough together. We don't cry enough together.

I want "Waiting to Exhale" and "Sex in the City" kind of friendships. I want friends who are friends not just in name only, but in action as well. And I'm sure that's what my girlfriend is looking for too.

My friend went on to express how dull her life is because the few women she's friends with are either married, married with children, or single with children. So, she pretty much resigns herself to work and home.

Now that, I can't imagine. The way I see it is you have to put some effort into what you want your life to be. And that's in every aspect whether it's work, school, friends, family, or relationships. You can't sit idly by, expecting meaningful relationships and friendships, or fulfilling career to simply drop in your lap. Boy, if only it were that easy!

So for my friend and myself, where new friendships don't happen often, it's important to nurture the friends that we have. Just because your a friend is married or has children doesn't mean she can't be a friend anymore. Sure, her availability may change, but there will be times for some togetherness. Continue to nurture the friendship with regular phone calls, an occasional visit, and don't give up inviting the friend out from time to time. Although you may get more "I can't" answers than "I can" answers, the effort you put forth will be worth it in the end.

To be on the safe side, nurture multiple friendships simultaneously. You can't have all you eggs in one basket. Yes, even with our girlfriends, this is not wise. When one can't come through, the other possibly will.

But most importantly: GET A LIFE!

Life doesn't begin with children. Life doesn't begin with a spouse or a boyfriend. Life is right now, wherever you are. Don't waste it waiting for certain aspects to be just the way you want them. So until your friends get on your page, or until the right (whatever that is) man comes along, "do you." Get a hobby. Take some classes at a local community college. Join an organization. Do community service. For God's sake, do something more than sulk!

Before you know it, your time is up.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson 1958-2009 (added 6/26/09)