I'll be the first to admit that it's hard to love Detroit right about now. Others may say it's ALWAYS hard. Amidst the auto crisis, high crime rate, high property taxes and insurance, failing public school system, and such highly publicized corruption in our local government, this is probably about the worst time to love Detroit.
Nevertheless, whether you are stuck in this city because of the current economy or have chosen to remain in the city for reasons only you, personally, may understand, we {Detroiters} still have a responsibility to uplift our community.
I, like many people, know people who live all over. In respects to Michigan, I know just as many people who on the outskirts of the city as I do people who live in the city od Detroit. But you know what, I never hear the people who live outside of the city, a.k.a the burbs, talking down about their resident. And believe me, there could be something negative said, albeit not as much as Detroit, of anyplace.
But what's worse about Detroit is that as many people who don't live in the city who trash it (literally), there are just as many, if not more, who do live here that trash it as well. That's what breaks my heart.
Now check out this piece of news: A city is only as good as the people who inhabit it. So for those of you who are adding to the mayhem and destruction, GET IT TOGETHER!
My challenge to all others is, for as long as you are a resident of Detroit, show your city some love, some pride. Maybe if we do, others will follow suit.
Below are some simple ways you can do this:
1.) Don't throw trash out the window of your cars.
2.) If not totally detestable, pick up the trash in your neighborhood or any area you happen to walking in if there's a trash can near by.
3.) Next time you have out of town guests, try showcasing some of Detroit's hot spots (i.e. Starters Lounge (the original), the Riverwalk, the Ren Cen, Detroit Insitute of Art, etc.)
4.)If you're speaking of something negative going in the city, follow it up with a possible solution.
5.)Vote in every election and avoid choosing people solely based on name recognition. Find out what candidates plan to do and see if they've done it before in another capacity. Let's the stop putting our city in just anybody's hands.
Friday, May 1, 2009
CWA & AT&T--The Fight Continues
The labor contract for Communication Workers of America (CWA) AT&T Midwest employees expired on April 4, 2009. Against the assumptions of non-management and management employees alike, the leaders of CWA did not call for a labor strike. With the economy being as it is, although a labor strike was voted for by the majority of union members, no one was complaining. Striking is not something we want to do, but we are prepared to do WHATEVER it takes to get a FAIR labor contract from telecommunication frontrunner, AT&T.
AT&T is insulting the intelligence of CWA leaders and the hardworking employees, who are the backbone, using the crisis of the BIG 3 Automakers in Michigan as a reason to not only shift massive healtcare costs from themselves, who reaped over 12 billion in profits in 2008, to their already struggling middle-class employees, but also reduce pensions, stagnate wage increases, eliminate job security measures.
Let me make it clear first, that workers of CWA are not looking for major increases in anything. What we want, which is the desire of any working person with or without family obligations, is to be able to continue to maintain our current standards of living. And believe me when I say, that that standard of living is nowhere near the luxurious standard of living afforded to the top executives of AT&T. We want to be able to afford modest homes, modest transportation, supply our homes with food, take care of our children, and have something to look forward to for retirement. That's not too much to ask for from a corporate giant like AT&T, an leader in an industry that is and continues to forecast increased profits.
Next on the agenda to make clear is the all-to-important fact that AT&T is NOT, nor are they anywhere near the predicament of the Big 3 automobile companies. This week Chrysler announced it would be filing for bankruptcy. Both Chrysler and General Motors have needed monies from the government to stay afloat. Ford Motor Company is the only one of the three who decided to manage without the government assistance. However, these dyer states of the automobile companies did not appear overnight. In fact, it's been several years in the making. And guess, what? Their troubles are not the fault of the union. It's the responsibility of the companies management team to maintain the profitablity of the company. And it's the union's responsibility to maintain the rights of its members. Together the groups' goal is to creat a mutually beneficial relationship where the advantage of one is not at the detrimental disadvantage of the other.
Through the years of their negotiating relationship, AT&T and CWA have always been successful with accomplishing the goal of mutual benefits for the labor contract. It's unacceptable of AT&T to be using the tragic situation of the auto industry for it's own selfishness. Rather than leading their industry in the fight with the government for universal healthcare for ALL citizens in this country, AT&T would rather jump on the bandwagon of extinguishing the middle-class.
Well, the members of CWA aren't taking that without a FIGHT! If you support this cause, please sign the petition at the following website: www.standupforworkers.com.
@ 2009 LA Jefferson
AT&T is insulting the intelligence of CWA leaders and the hardworking employees, who are the backbone, using the crisis of the BIG 3 Automakers in Michigan as a reason to not only shift massive healtcare costs from themselves, who reaped over 12 billion in profits in 2008, to their already struggling middle-class employees, but also reduce pensions, stagnate wage increases, eliminate job security measures.
Let me make it clear first, that workers of CWA are not looking for major increases in anything. What we want, which is the desire of any working person with or without family obligations, is to be able to continue to maintain our current standards of living. And believe me when I say, that that standard of living is nowhere near the luxurious standard of living afforded to the top executives of AT&T. We want to be able to afford modest homes, modest transportation, supply our homes with food, take care of our children, and have something to look forward to for retirement. That's not too much to ask for from a corporate giant like AT&T, an leader in an industry that is and continues to forecast increased profits.
Next on the agenda to make clear is the all-to-important fact that AT&T is NOT, nor are they anywhere near the predicament of the Big 3 automobile companies. This week Chrysler announced it would be filing for bankruptcy. Both Chrysler and General Motors have needed monies from the government to stay afloat. Ford Motor Company is the only one of the three who decided to manage without the government assistance. However, these dyer states of the automobile companies did not appear overnight. In fact, it's been several years in the making. And guess, what? Their troubles are not the fault of the union. It's the responsibility of the companies management team to maintain the profitablity of the company. And it's the union's responsibility to maintain the rights of its members. Together the groups' goal is to creat a mutually beneficial relationship where the advantage of one is not at the detrimental disadvantage of the other.
Through the years of their negotiating relationship, AT&T and CWA have always been successful with accomplishing the goal of mutual benefits for the labor contract. It's unacceptable of AT&T to be using the tragic situation of the auto industry for it's own selfishness. Rather than leading their industry in the fight with the government for universal healthcare for ALL citizens in this country, AT&T would rather jump on the bandwagon of extinguishing the middle-class.
Well, the members of CWA aren't taking that without a FIGHT! If you support this cause, please sign the petition at the following website: www.standupforworkers.com.
@ 2009 LA Jefferson
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Super Mom Moment
Every so often throughout the year I experience "super mom" moments. Last week, Thursday, was my son's 5th birthday. It was the same day of my 14year old daughter's Annual Sports Award Banquet at her middle school. This was the first year that the ceremony was taking place in the evening, which would've been most convenient had I not wanted to take my son and nephew to one of kids' favorite places, Chuck-E-Cheese. Since attending the banquet was mandatory, as was celebrating my baby's b-day on his day (Saturday was already filled up), some improvising would be called for.
Now, one would think I would've have everything all figured out a few weeks ago. However, I'm severly striken with procrastinitis, as like to call it, and have been for most of my life. So while I knew I was going to buy my son a new bike for his birthday, I was taking him out the evening before his birthday to get him sized for one. After we did at Toys R Us, I dropped him off at home with his sister while I made a trip to my local dollar store for his b-day balloons, which, of course, would remain in the car until he was asleep for the night. That wraps up the day before the b-day.
The day of, baby boy is happy to awake to his colorful assortment of balloons! Doesn't stop him from aksing where his presents and cake are??? Well, at 5, he hasn't drawn the conclusion that mom doesn't make cakes, she buys them. Grandma is the cake maker. However, mom was surprising him with cupcakes for his class after their naptime. I mistakenly figured he'd be distracted with getting ready for school to think about a cake. Anyway, regarding presents, the Batman car I bought for him on our trip to Toys R Us, he didn't consider to be among his b-day presents. He expected something the day of. Kids--gotta love 'em. But he had no idea that his brand new bike would be awaiting him when he got of school.
So I take him to school and hurry to work for a half day. I left work at 1PM, leaving myself exactly 1hr to get to Toys R Us to pick up the bike, get to the bakery for the cupcakes (yes, I should have bought them the day before, but remember, procrastinitis). Thank God, I managed to get everything done and arrived at the school promply at 2PM, surprising the birthday boy. It was lots of fun, although the b-day boy didn't want one of his own cupcakes.
We get home, he's blown away by his new bike. I have to run down the street alongside him as he rides because the bike is a little bigger than the one he learned how to ride without training wheels last summer. But he was doing great. Then once his sister came home froms school, there wasn't much time for anything else besides getting ready for her banquet. The two hour banquet, which consisted of a few song selections by the school choir, a keynote speaker, decent meal, and award presentation, was long and lovely, but she was glad, as most kids are (even teenagers) to have their mom is present at such special moments, of course taking pictures :)to capture the moment.
It was nearly 11PM when I was finally able to relax. Literally, I had been running around from the time I woke up that morning until we finally got home that night. It was a whirlwind of a day! But as tired as I was, I didn't regret a moment of it. With all the fussing and disciplining children that moms (and dads) have to do, moments when you know you're making them happy are so worth all the hard work. That makes it all worthwhile.
Now, one would think I would've have everything all figured out a few weeks ago. However, I'm severly striken with procrastinitis, as like to call it, and have been for most of my life. So while I knew I was going to buy my son a new bike for his birthday, I was taking him out the evening before his birthday to get him sized for one. After we did at Toys R Us, I dropped him off at home with his sister while I made a trip to my local dollar store for his b-day balloons, which, of course, would remain in the car until he was asleep for the night. That wraps up the day before the b-day.
The day of, baby boy is happy to awake to his colorful assortment of balloons! Doesn't stop him from aksing where his presents and cake are??? Well, at 5, he hasn't drawn the conclusion that mom doesn't make cakes, she buys them. Grandma is the cake maker. However, mom was surprising him with cupcakes for his class after their naptime. I mistakenly figured he'd be distracted with getting ready for school to think about a cake. Anyway, regarding presents, the Batman car I bought for him on our trip to Toys R Us, he didn't consider to be among his b-day presents. He expected something the day of. Kids--gotta love 'em. But he had no idea that his brand new bike would be awaiting him when he got of school.
So I take him to school and hurry to work for a half day. I left work at 1PM, leaving myself exactly 1hr to get to Toys R Us to pick up the bike, get to the bakery for the cupcakes (yes, I should have bought them the day before, but remember, procrastinitis). Thank God, I managed to get everything done and arrived at the school promply at 2PM, surprising the birthday boy. It was lots of fun, although the b-day boy didn't want one of his own cupcakes.
We get home, he's blown away by his new bike. I have to run down the street alongside him as he rides because the bike is a little bigger than the one he learned how to ride without training wheels last summer. But he was doing great. Then once his sister came home froms school, there wasn't much time for anything else besides getting ready for her banquet. The two hour banquet, which consisted of a few song selections by the school choir, a keynote speaker, decent meal, and award presentation, was long and lovely, but she was glad, as most kids are (even teenagers) to have their mom is present at such special moments, of course taking pictures :)to capture the moment.
It was nearly 11PM when I was finally able to relax. Literally, I had been running around from the time I woke up that morning until we finally got home that night. It was a whirlwind of a day! But as tired as I was, I didn't regret a moment of it. With all the fussing and disciplining children that moms (and dads) have to do, moments when you know you're making them happy are so worth all the hard work. That makes it all worthwhile.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
STAND for Something or Fall for ANYTHING
Even though I’ve been a union member 10 yrs now, and have gone through approximately 3 contract negotiations, I’ve never experienced anything like what I’m experiencing now. Communication Workers of America (CWA) is in the fight for its life with corporate giant AT&T. After the major concessions that the United Auto Workers (UAW) labor union had to make over the past couple of years, AT&T is more than determined to force CWA to make similar concessions, notwithstanding the fact that the telecommunications industry is nowhere near the ruined state of the automotive industry. In fact, like the medical industry, the telecommunications industry, with AT&T being at the top of the helm, still continues to reap huge profits. But still, they’re trying to force the union to make concessions in every vital area of interest to its workers: healthcare, wages, job protection, guaranteed time off, and retirement benefits.
One would think, in this case, that the members with the vested interest in these issues would do whatever their union leaders asked of them. Well, they don’t. From what I’ve been witnessing, too many of the members want to reap the benefits that the union provides, but aren’t the least bit interested in making even small sacrifices for the cause. Instead, they sit around sprouting off about how the union does nothing for them. About how the union is so weak. About how the union is busy lining their own pockets, not really fighting for the benefits those they represent.
The union, however, is only as strong as its members. I concede that labor unions are nowhere near the powerhouses they were back in the old days. But now I see why. It’s the weakness of the membership. The people don’t possess the passion for workers’ rights like they did back in the day. The people have taken for granted all of the benefits (40hr workweek, vacation days, personal days, sick days, 15 minute breaks, etc) that labor unions brought to the American workplace. Just like civil rights, the people have forgotten that the people of yesteryear fought and died for those very rights.
During a union steward training class I attended a couple of weeks, I was humbled beyond measure at the sight of a man beaten to death for supporting organized labor. Today, I, along with thousands of others, are able to be apart of an organized labor unions that fight for fair treatment, fair pay, job protection, etc., without fear of losing our lives. And I can admit that until the moment of seeing that slide of that beaten man, I never considered my union membership a big deal. I wasn’t looking for a union job when I was hired into AT&T. It just happens to be they way I got my foot in the door. Now that I’m here, I can’t even say that I’ll always be on this side of the line with my employment with the company. But I can say that while I’m on this side, I appreciate the work the union does on my behalf. Because of what they’ve done over the years, I’ve been well able to provide for myself and my children. So, today, as the company is attempting to make it difficult for me to comfortably maintain my standard of living, I will continue to stand with them and support their efforts.
If they ask me to wear red every Thursday to display my solidarity, I will. If they ask me to spend my lunch hour at an informational picket to openly display to AT&T that I can make a sacrifice for what’s important to me, I will. If they ask me to come out on a Sunday afternoon for a rally, I will. If they ask me to walk off the job, I will.
And when the negotiations are over, if the union has to make more concessions than we all wanted, I won’t declare that the small sacrifices I made were a waste of time because they don't compare to the sacrifices of those who came before me. Instead, I’ll feel proud that I took a stand for something. Like it's often said, “Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”
One would think, in this case, that the members with the vested interest in these issues would do whatever their union leaders asked of them. Well, they don’t. From what I’ve been witnessing, too many of the members want to reap the benefits that the union provides, but aren’t the least bit interested in making even small sacrifices for the cause. Instead, they sit around sprouting off about how the union does nothing for them. About how the union is so weak. About how the union is busy lining their own pockets, not really fighting for the benefits those they represent.
The union, however, is only as strong as its members. I concede that labor unions are nowhere near the powerhouses they were back in the old days. But now I see why. It’s the weakness of the membership. The people don’t possess the passion for workers’ rights like they did back in the day. The people have taken for granted all of the benefits (40hr workweek, vacation days, personal days, sick days, 15 minute breaks, etc) that labor unions brought to the American workplace. Just like civil rights, the people have forgotten that the people of yesteryear fought and died for those very rights.
During a union steward training class I attended a couple of weeks, I was humbled beyond measure at the sight of a man beaten to death for supporting organized labor. Today, I, along with thousands of others, are able to be apart of an organized labor unions that fight for fair treatment, fair pay, job protection, etc., without fear of losing our lives. And I can admit that until the moment of seeing that slide of that beaten man, I never considered my union membership a big deal. I wasn’t looking for a union job when I was hired into AT&T. It just happens to be they way I got my foot in the door. Now that I’m here, I can’t even say that I’ll always be on this side of the line with my employment with the company. But I can say that while I’m on this side, I appreciate the work the union does on my behalf. Because of what they’ve done over the years, I’ve been well able to provide for myself and my children. So, today, as the company is attempting to make it difficult for me to comfortably maintain my standard of living, I will continue to stand with them and support their efforts.
If they ask me to wear red every Thursday to display my solidarity, I will. If they ask me to spend my lunch hour at an informational picket to openly display to AT&T that I can make a sacrifice for what’s important to me, I will. If they ask me to come out on a Sunday afternoon for a rally, I will. If they ask me to walk off the job, I will.
And when the negotiations are over, if the union has to make more concessions than we all wanted, I won’t declare that the small sacrifices I made were a waste of time because they don't compare to the sacrifices of those who came before me. Instead, I’ll feel proud that I took a stand for something. Like it's often said, “Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”
Monday, April 6, 2009
Happy Belated Loc Anniversary!
Ohmigod! I've completely broken hair loc protocol. The month of March has come and gone and I didn't even bother acknowledging my 1yr hair loc anniversary. Since I don't remember the exact date, I've designated March 25th as my official anniversary date. I know this because I was hosting my sister's bridal shower at that time and gave my hair a fresh two-strand twist 'do.
What's so important about that, you may be wondering? On the various natural hair websites I've visited over the past two years, women and a small number of men, expressed nothing but joy and exhilaration about the anniversary of the date they went natural (the big Chop, as some call it). All the way from the 1st, through the 10th, and even through the 50th and higher. Yes, it's just that significant. The date a person makes a conscience decision to go against the grain of everything they've been conditioned to believe about what's beautiful, what's sexy, what's acceptable is a BIG deal.
I'm ecstatic to be apart of that community! While the journey was long and tumultuous--some of the absurd comments from family, friends, coworkers were just unbelievable--it was so worth it. To be able to wake up every morning without having to allot at least 30 minutes to my morning regimen with trying to flatten, curl, or slick my hair into a style, which was never to my liking 100%, brings about a joy that is indescribable. To listen to those who once ridiculed me now singing praises of how pretty my hair is, how long my hair has grown brings a smile across my lips. When people pull me to the side, almost whispering, that they, too, are interested in locks, but were afraid of the process, I feel proud to sharing my story.
Although rewarding in the end, the beginning of the lock process is not easy. Physically and emotionally. First, the hair goes through a state of confusion. After years of keeping it from it's natural state via chemical or heat processing, now you want it to do what it was doing way back before you started all of that. Next, the pool of your peers may think you've lost your mind and some will even tell you so, like one of my coworkers told me. "Girl, I thought you were having some kind of mental breakdown." By far, that was the wildest comment I heard regarding my transformation. But there were definitely others. Those who had manners enough not to speak such idiocies to my face kindly waited until I was out of earshot to comment amongst their friends. Some just looked on. Then, there are the silly people who will pass their judgment in the form of jokes like, "be quiet before I send you to the beauty salon" or other forms of subtle teasing.
But the most common form of negativity I encountered was with people who can't wait to tell you that you'll have to cut all your hair off if you decide you don't want the locks anymore. That used to bother me until I became more confident with the decision I made. Then I began countering with some facts of my own: It's only hair. Hair doesn't define me, it's an extension of me. And most importantly, I've spent so much of my life enslaved to my hair that it will be several years down the line before that will even be a remote consideration. I mean, why would I remove myself so quickly from the freedom I've just begun to enjoy. The way I see it, at 33 years old, I've been fighting to make my hair something that it's not for 20 plus years. Now it's time to spend the next 20 or so letting it do what it do.
And I'm loving it! So Happy 1yr Lock Anniversary to me!
What's so important about that, you may be wondering? On the various natural hair websites I've visited over the past two years, women and a small number of men, expressed nothing but joy and exhilaration about the anniversary of the date they went natural (the big Chop, as some call it). All the way from the 1st, through the 10th, and even through the 50th and higher. Yes, it's just that significant. The date a person makes a conscience decision to go against the grain of everything they've been conditioned to believe about what's beautiful, what's sexy, what's acceptable is a BIG deal.
I'm ecstatic to be apart of that community! While the journey was long and tumultuous--some of the absurd comments from family, friends, coworkers were just unbelievable--it was so worth it. To be able to wake up every morning without having to allot at least 30 minutes to my morning regimen with trying to flatten, curl, or slick my hair into a style, which was never to my liking 100%, brings about a joy that is indescribable. To listen to those who once ridiculed me now singing praises of how pretty my hair is, how long my hair has grown brings a smile across my lips. When people pull me to the side, almost whispering, that they, too, are interested in locks, but were afraid of the process, I feel proud to sharing my story.
Although rewarding in the end, the beginning of the lock process is not easy. Physically and emotionally. First, the hair goes through a state of confusion. After years of keeping it from it's natural state via chemical or heat processing, now you want it to do what it was doing way back before you started all of that. Next, the pool of your peers may think you've lost your mind and some will even tell you so, like one of my coworkers told me. "Girl, I thought you were having some kind of mental breakdown." By far, that was the wildest comment I heard regarding my transformation. But there were definitely others. Those who had manners enough not to speak such idiocies to my face kindly waited until I was out of earshot to comment amongst their friends. Some just looked on. Then, there are the silly people who will pass their judgment in the form of jokes like, "be quiet before I send you to the beauty salon" or other forms of subtle teasing.
But the most common form of negativity I encountered was with people who can't wait to tell you that you'll have to cut all your hair off if you decide you don't want the locks anymore. That used to bother me until I became more confident with the decision I made. Then I began countering with some facts of my own: It's only hair. Hair doesn't define me, it's an extension of me. And most importantly, I've spent so much of my life enslaved to my hair that it will be several years down the line before that will even be a remote consideration. I mean, why would I remove myself so quickly from the freedom I've just begun to enjoy. The way I see it, at 33 years old, I've been fighting to make my hair something that it's not for 20 plus years. Now it's time to spend the next 20 or so letting it do what it do.
And I'm loving it! So Happy 1yr Lock Anniversary to me!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Chris & Rihanna--Don't be so quick to judge!
I hadn't realized how much of a Chris Brown fan I was until this fiasco between him and Rihanna jumped off two weeks ago. To me, their's is not the usual cut and dry domestic abuse case, though I do not, under any circumstances, condone the excessive force Chris obviously used against Rihanna, who I'm also a big fan of.
Why isn't this case "cut and dry", you may be asking? Well, a few things come to mind. Usually when we think of domestic violence, it's automatically assumed that it's a stuation of a man beating up on a helpless woman. While that is often the case, it's not always. There are some relationships where the man AND the woman have extremely aggressive and volatile personalities and they just get down like that. Not that I'm saying that's the case for Chris and Rihanna. That part, we'll never know.
What we do know, however, are about the reports of Rihanna trying to control what women Chris had in his company, when she was around or not. Don't get me wrong, that still doesn't excuse his role in the matter. However, a person is only going to allow you to be ALL up his mix when you get good and ready--snatching his phone, slamming his phone or throwing it against something, getting up in his face when you feel he's done something wrong, or smacking him upside the head, etc--before he's had enough.
I can speak on this subject because I've been on both sides of the fence. I've been the victim of a jealous, insecure, first, verbally, then physically abusive boyfriend. I've also been that insecure, controlling, hotheaded woman. In the first situation, for reasons of his own, and maybe some unintentional behavior on my part, the guy just didn't trust me. When I'd tell him I spent the day at my mother's house, he didn't believe it. The nights I didn't let him come over my house, he swore it was because I had someone else over. Whenever my phone rang in his presence, he assumed it was another guy. While that may have been true in some cases, he didn't believe that the relationship was just platonic. As time went on, he started doing crazy stuff like waiting at the corner of my mom's block to see if I was really where I said I was. One night he even broke a key off in my house door so I couldn't get in my house after I refused to tell him my whereabouts, but he pretended he didn't know anything about it. In our arguments he would cuss me out, calling me obscene names, like he never had before. I won't get into the physical incident, only noting that it was unprovoked by me. He just couldn't except that he couldn't have things the way he wanted. Now, what he should have done, if he was mature and rational, was end our relationship. The basic rule is, if you don't trust your mate, for whatever reason, end the relationship for both of your sakes. Both people suffer if you don't.
In the latter situation, I was married and from day one, my husband received phone calls at inappropriate times of night from females. He received text messages, too, that made it very clear to me that he was pretending to be single on the outside of our home. Rather than following the above mentioned rule, I could make him behave. I went through his phone when he slept. I checked his truck and the pockets of his clothes for evidence of wrongdoing. And guess what? Yep, I found it. Like the saying goes, if you look for trouble, you'll find it. Believe me when I say, I cut up like a fool with each incident. He had to at least buy three new phones. And I did worse than that, when my temper really flared. Cussed him out, threw something dangerously close to his head, pushed on him on everything. I was out of control. But that's how it is when you're trying to control someone else and losing control of yourself.
Granted, he never retaliated. But he did come close on one occasion. After he warned and warned me to back up off him, and I kept pushing and pushing and pushing, he finally put his hands around my neck, forcing me down on the bed. "Now, how you like it?" he asked me. Of course, I was freaked out. I didn't that. For one, I'd known him since we were teenagers and we had a previous relationship where I tested his patience and he never lost his cool. This time, he'd had enough. Tell you the truth, I don't think I acted in that manner again after that incident. Luckily for both of us, I realized I was fighting a losing battle and we eventually split.
Now if I would've called the police on him, he may have been arrested. And I don't think it would've mattered if he'd reported all the things I done to him in the past. The property I damaged. The times I'd put my hands on him. After all, I hadn't done anything to bruise him. Domestic violence is all about who puts in that call and the incident at hand.
With that said, yes, Chris Brown is guilty of beating Rihanna up. He beat her up bad. But it is my belief that there have been a string of events in their relationship that has led up to this. The lessons to be learned are: 1) Sometimes you gotta love yourself more than you love another and leave before problems escalate to this magnitude. 2) The only person you can control in any given situation is yourself.
May Chris and Rihanna go on to have successfull careers and lives.
Copyright @ 2009 LA Jefferson
Why isn't this case "cut and dry", you may be asking? Well, a few things come to mind. Usually when we think of domestic violence, it's automatically assumed that it's a stuation of a man beating up on a helpless woman. While that is often the case, it's not always. There are some relationships where the man AND the woman have extremely aggressive and volatile personalities and they just get down like that. Not that I'm saying that's the case for Chris and Rihanna. That part, we'll never know.
What we do know, however, are about the reports of Rihanna trying to control what women Chris had in his company, when she was around or not. Don't get me wrong, that still doesn't excuse his role in the matter. However, a person is only going to allow you to be ALL up his mix when you get good and ready--snatching his phone, slamming his phone or throwing it against something, getting up in his face when you feel he's done something wrong, or smacking him upside the head, etc--before he's had enough.
I can speak on this subject because I've been on both sides of the fence. I've been the victim of a jealous, insecure, first, verbally, then physically abusive boyfriend. I've also been that insecure, controlling, hotheaded woman. In the first situation, for reasons of his own, and maybe some unintentional behavior on my part, the guy just didn't trust me. When I'd tell him I spent the day at my mother's house, he didn't believe it. The nights I didn't let him come over my house, he swore it was because I had someone else over. Whenever my phone rang in his presence, he assumed it was another guy. While that may have been true in some cases, he didn't believe that the relationship was just platonic. As time went on, he started doing crazy stuff like waiting at the corner of my mom's block to see if I was really where I said I was. One night he even broke a key off in my house door so I couldn't get in my house after I refused to tell him my whereabouts, but he pretended he didn't know anything about it. In our arguments he would cuss me out, calling me obscene names, like he never had before. I won't get into the physical incident, only noting that it was unprovoked by me. He just couldn't except that he couldn't have things the way he wanted. Now, what he should have done, if he was mature and rational, was end our relationship. The basic rule is, if you don't trust your mate, for whatever reason, end the relationship for both of your sakes. Both people suffer if you don't.
In the latter situation, I was married and from day one, my husband received phone calls at inappropriate times of night from females. He received text messages, too, that made it very clear to me that he was pretending to be single on the outside of our home. Rather than following the above mentioned rule, I could make him behave. I went through his phone when he slept. I checked his truck and the pockets of his clothes for evidence of wrongdoing. And guess what? Yep, I found it. Like the saying goes, if you look for trouble, you'll find it. Believe me when I say, I cut up like a fool with each incident. He had to at least buy three new phones. And I did worse than that, when my temper really flared. Cussed him out, threw something dangerously close to his head, pushed on him on everything. I was out of control. But that's how it is when you're trying to control someone else and losing control of yourself.
Granted, he never retaliated. But he did come close on one occasion. After he warned and warned me to back up off him, and I kept pushing and pushing and pushing, he finally put his hands around my neck, forcing me down on the bed. "Now, how you like it?" he asked me. Of course, I was freaked out. I didn't that. For one, I'd known him since we were teenagers and we had a previous relationship where I tested his patience and he never lost his cool. This time, he'd had enough. Tell you the truth, I don't think I acted in that manner again after that incident. Luckily for both of us, I realized I was fighting a losing battle and we eventually split.
Now if I would've called the police on him, he may have been arrested. And I don't think it would've mattered if he'd reported all the things I done to him in the past. The property I damaged. The times I'd put my hands on him. After all, I hadn't done anything to bruise him. Domestic violence is all about who puts in that call and the incident at hand.
With that said, yes, Chris Brown is guilty of beating Rihanna up. He beat her up bad. But it is my belief that there have been a string of events in their relationship that has led up to this. The lessons to be learned are: 1) Sometimes you gotta love yourself more than you love another and leave before problems escalate to this magnitude. 2) The only person you can control in any given situation is yourself.
May Chris and Rihanna go on to have successfull careers and lives.
Copyright @ 2009 LA Jefferson
Monday, January 12, 2009
What's New for 2009
Like most people, I have composed a list of things to which to improve on for the new year, a.k.a New Year's resolution. Most important to me are keeping a neater house, practicing greater focus on my passions, and managing my finances better (i.e. paying bills on time).
1. Neater house-An associate recently told me that I didn't look like the type who would have a untidy room. "Thank God!" I carry it well, was my first thought. However, it's quite the contrary. My room is never clean. The only times in 2008 that it was clean was when I first put it together and the time my boyfriend was being extra sweet and got everything organized for me. Pitiful, I know. I used to use as an excuse for my untidiness that I was far too busy with my extracurricular life to prioritize cleaning up. Then I played mind games saying that I'd become a "neat freak" if I worried about it too much. Another way I comforted myself was falsely believing that everyone was like me. Over the last few years, I've come to realize how wrong I've been. In fact, a few of my friends talk often about housecleaning and I used to think it was JUST talk. However, when I've been over to their homes, on most all occasions, things have been neat and orderly. So, I know that there is no other reason to excuse my untidiness aside from sheer laziness. But, no more. I will run a tighter ship at home, teaching and enforcing upon my teenage daughter and toddler son, neatness and cleanliness in every room in our home. Laslty, and more importantly, I will restrict my own self from such pleasures of the internet and T.V. until my room is in order.
2. Greater focus on passions-I've been pursuing my dream of being published for almost seven years now. Gladly, I'm just about there. However, there other projects that I have created in my mind and some on paper. My dream is to have it all published, but first, they have to be completed. This year I will be setting aside time each day for my writing endeavors--beginning with the 2nd project I began after completing my novel. I will also be committing more time to networking in this field of writing and publishing beginning with attending montly meetings with the writer's group I'm a member of.
3. Managing finances-When I first began working and living the life of an adult, I used to pay all of my bills on time, the full amount. Then a few years later, as expenses mounted, I started skipping months on bills I considered less important bills like utilities, but maintained timely payments on credit cards and mortgages. Basically, things had become quite overwhelming. My phone/internet and cell phone companies have made so much money off of me for reconnect fees, it's ridiculous! But no more. In 2009, I will be paying my bills, utilities included, on time. And since, I've managed to reduce my debt over the years, that shouldn't be too hard to do.
So as I work hard at maintaining these new life resolutions, I wish everyone well in maintaining there's too.
Til next time,
LA Jefferson
1. Neater house-An associate recently told me that I didn't look like the type who would have a untidy room. "Thank God!" I carry it well, was my first thought. However, it's quite the contrary. My room is never clean. The only times in 2008 that it was clean was when I first put it together and the time my boyfriend was being extra sweet and got everything organized for me. Pitiful, I know. I used to use as an excuse for my untidiness that I was far too busy with my extracurricular life to prioritize cleaning up. Then I played mind games saying that I'd become a "neat freak" if I worried about it too much. Another way I comforted myself was falsely believing that everyone was like me. Over the last few years, I've come to realize how wrong I've been. In fact, a few of my friends talk often about housecleaning and I used to think it was JUST talk. However, when I've been over to their homes, on most all occasions, things have been neat and orderly. So, I know that there is no other reason to excuse my untidiness aside from sheer laziness. But, no more. I will run a tighter ship at home, teaching and enforcing upon my teenage daughter and toddler son, neatness and cleanliness in every room in our home. Laslty, and more importantly, I will restrict my own self from such pleasures of the internet and T.V. until my room is in order.
2. Greater focus on passions-I've been pursuing my dream of being published for almost seven years now. Gladly, I'm just about there. However, there other projects that I have created in my mind and some on paper. My dream is to have it all published, but first, they have to be completed. This year I will be setting aside time each day for my writing endeavors--beginning with the 2nd project I began after completing my novel. I will also be committing more time to networking in this field of writing and publishing beginning with attending montly meetings with the writer's group I'm a member of.
3. Managing finances-When I first began working and living the life of an adult, I used to pay all of my bills on time, the full amount. Then a few years later, as expenses mounted, I started skipping months on bills I considered less important bills like utilities, but maintained timely payments on credit cards and mortgages. Basically, things had become quite overwhelming. My phone/internet and cell phone companies have made so much money off of me for reconnect fees, it's ridiculous! But no more. In 2009, I will be paying my bills, utilities included, on time. And since, I've managed to reduce my debt over the years, that shouldn't be too hard to do.
So as I work hard at maintaining these new life resolutions, I wish everyone well in maintaining there's too.
Til next time,
LA Jefferson
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